The Story of Prapurma
The young mother desperately tries to fill the void in the children’s life, a void that she is afraid she may never be able to fill. The task she faces is formidable. Not only must she cope with the mental trauma, but also financial problems brought in the wake of a seperation. Added to this, her children look to her for support and she must smile and be brave. ‘I cannot let them see my despair,’ she says. ‘I have to keep up the brave front act.’
This is the story of a young woman I still keep in touch with, all through her flight and miseries. Many Indian women (even from affluent families) find themselves without a roof over their heads once they are thrown out of the house, or if they have walked out of their marital home, in sheer desperation, unable to handle the violence wrought on them by their husbands, and in-laws, or waiting for the legal procedure ( which in India
can continue even after the Petitioner's death, or like the Adv. on the T.V. " Jeevan Das ko Kadi se kadi sazaa di Jaaye...").The in-laws, the brother and the father, mother-in-law, sis-in-law, all could deny her a right to a human being’s basic need – shelter.
She, let us name her as "Prapurma". Yes, she had a not so comfortable childhood, being born as the youngest of three children to her parents who came from the bourgeois family. She was fairly good-looking and given the chance, she could outsmart her older siblings. But fate had other plans for her. Her mother always made it a point to compare her to the smartness of her older siblings, the most coming from her elder sister. Right from the beginning, she felt there was stiff competition where Prapurma was concerned, so she took great pains at every opportunity to pull her little sister down to the lowest levels of humiliation, wherever possible. She was a Top-class 'Braggart.' The elder brother was too busy in his studies so he was totally ignorant of even bothering to find out what was going in his youngest sister's mental attitude.
The time came when the elder sister was married to a well-settled family. Here again, the younger sister was treated like the maid servant and no one bothered to find out the relationship of Prapurma with that of the new bride. It was only when one of the guests found her standing near the gate trying to keep the guests comfortable, questioned her, she answered defiantly, "I am the bride's younger sister." The next question from the guest was shot like a piercing arrow," But why are you dressed in an ordinary nylon saree?" Again, with her held high, the little girl replied,"Because clothes do not make a man, but the honesty and charisma of the person is what counts in the long run." Even here, the little girl was made to bear humiliation by her elder sister in the presence of all her in-laws, "Do not steal my husband, he is mine and only mine." All this was borne by Prapurma in perfect silence and unshed tears.
Days passed by and at every given opportunity the elder sister made it a point to come to her maternal home on some pretext or the other to vent her feelings to her mother on her new marital home. Hours would pass on to eternity with both the mother and daughter locked up in the room, in hushed whispers, and Prapurma was never allowed to get involved in any of these discussions. She was treated like an outsider by both the mother and the sister. Slowly, a day came when gifts started pouring in from the elder sister's marital home, and the mother was just too happy getting materialistic and the result was that the elder sister was placed on a grand pedestal. So now her word over any final decision in the parental home
was FINAL! She was treated as the DEVI, Incarnate! Why? Because she kept silencing all with her money and her sharp tongue. She and her great husband were just about hidebound!
When the time came for Prapurma's marriage, the groom was finally chosen by the elder son-in-law. No care was taken to verify the facts of this rascal's family background. Again ask Why? Because the decision was finally made by the High Command and that's it. Period! Soon after the marriage, Prapurma was exposed to the bare and ugly truth about her newly acquired status. For a woman it is not only the daily financial struggle, but also the myriad little daily domestic tasks which drain her both physically and mentally. In a span of two years she gave birth to two children, both healthy, but her body could just not take it. One can take it for granted that the husband was over-sexed and whatever one may feel like thinking. She found that she did not get enough time with her children, as hiring servants was totally Taboo with her husband saying, "My mother did all the house-work by herself, and she bore eight children, so what's your problem?" That mother must have been a Super woman, who at the drop of a hat got pregnant even if her husband just winked at her. Indian mothers-in-law are very famous for being "Polemical."
Many Indian women, even when married, have to function as single mothers, as she has to bring up her children single-handedly. The husband never came forward in the child's up-bringing, simply because it was drilled into his head that the wife is the baby-producing machine, and has to stay at home to keep her husband free from all house-hold duties and responsibilities. As a result, Prapurma was left with very little time for herself. Her husband was too languid to accept moral responsibility both as a father and as a husband, because he was working over-time with a harem that he calls it, other than the official work that he was employed. When encountered by Prapurma, the husband was in an equivocate frame of mind. When this was brought to the notice of the in-laws by Prapurma, her mother-in-law was quick to retort, "After all he is a man, keep quiet, or else he shall lose his masculinity." Great, talk about the will-power in a man and compare that to that of the woman!! Her dreams of someone empathising with her grief from her Paternal home was met with a cold shoulder as they treated her as a "PARIAH" now. Her brother was too busy with his family, the elder sister considered it below her dignity to even find out what was happening in her younger sister's married life, and her parents were too busy socialising and keeping up the protocol in their elder daughter's high status family. Talk about the Nuclear Indian family bonds, family roots etc, etc, Blah, Blah, Blah!!
By now Prapurma had begun to slowly languish, with the result she began being reticent on just trivial issues. The reason was, because she found that any talk with her husband was always ending in a Tirade. He always had a strong adulation for another man's wife. He would never take into consideration his wife's accomplishments or her talents or even try to laud her intrinsic capabilities. She was slowly getting herself prepared for all these adversities. For her, marital relations, were itself esoteric. It was wrong to say that she was obtuse. She was a lonely child with no one to advocate her feelings. She was cornered with no where to go. She was and even now is a very affable woman. Getting married has lost her identity altogether. Whenever her husband's friends used any form of eulogy with regard to her looks, her cooking or even on her home management, she had this look of fear that was portent. She was sure to get smashed that night by her husband. She lost all the alacrity she had as a new bride trying to win her husband's attention. Should the bruises on her body or face be visible to anyone, her husband was quick with his choice of euphemism. She was expected to always be the chaste, tractable wife. Here was she "Sleeping with the Enemy."
Things came to a head when one night she was asked by her husband to be the sleeping partner for his friends. She refused outright and then came the hurricane of blows, to be witnessed by the two young children. Enough is Enough, screamed the children and then it was decided to plan an escape. But how? Summer vacations came and on pleading, the husband was finally reconciled to sending her and the children to her parental home. In the short span after her marriage, Prapurma lost her father. Her mother was all alone. Hearing of the entire story, the mother finally decided to keep Prapurma and the kids back.
Come what may we shall survive even on ordinary rice gruel. The case was filed for a fair amount of Maintenance, and a divorce. The husband never allowed anyone to rest in peace. He used his power of money to bribe everyone left, right and centre to keep the adjournments at the fast mode. He even went far and wide to use every ominous tactic up his sleeve.
Our Judiciary is such that even a dead corpse will open its mouth for the hard cash. That is the judicial system in India. The ever hungry dogs who enjoy living on someone else's charity and also feed their family with it. Our country is so steeped in depravity!!! Every one has such lofty ideals in their goddamn heads. Is this the sort of exemplary set by today's Netas to the younger generation?
Here, in her maternal home, Prapurma was made to do all the household chores, as directed by the elder sister. The mother was just a puppet. The reason given was that things do not come for free here. You want us to look after your children and you, you have to sweat it out for a morsel of food. Prapurma realized it very fast: "Beggars Cannot Be Choosers!" But this life was better than sleeping around with a bunch of hoodlums. In India society looks harshly upon divorced women, invariably blaming them for the break-up. They make her life look as though it was totally ignominious. ‘Women who have the courage to walk out of a marriage when ill-treated should actually be admired, but instead they are looked upon as women who could not make their marriage work.’ C'mon, why cannot they be pragmatic?
Readers, you must be wondering why was Prapurma not looking for a job outside her home? Good Question! The answer lies in the attitudes of her family members and her health. Prapurma was taken advantage of her sense of Altruism. All were happy to get everything at the flick of their fingers, day and night without shelling out hard cash. Her chances of getting a job was met with cold reception from her mother who wanted a full-time servant to cater to her needs. Another point was her poor health and the rules of employment in India where they do not take in anyone who has crossed 45 years with no previous experience of any job. So that's it. You have the answer!! Prapurma is now allergic to the opulent society. People like Prapurma face hostility from even her family members.
Prapurma was brought up as she was on the ideals of motherhood and the sanctity of marriage, she could not cope with the break-up initially. She was totally dependent upon her husband in every way, financially and emotionally. To her he was the world, on whom she lay all her trust. He was her infrastructure! It is very difficult for her to handle the loneliness, and then the despair of being rejected by her own family.
Today, Prapurma is still waiting in vain for the judgment order to be implemented. It is grounded since the last Fifteen years. Will she ever get her freedom? Will she be able to live her youthful life again that was lost? If so, when????
She lives just for her children, to whom she is both a father and a mother. Her mother is ageing fast and no one knows when her call might come. After that what will happen to Prapurma? She does not have a roof over her head. There is no guarantee that her kin will look after her. And the Court Case that is pending.... Prapurma ko Khadi Se Khadi saaza Di Jaaye!!! like the advt. on the T.V.
Readers, there will definitely be plenty of Prapurmas all around you. But, you take Care! Do not throw your husband or wife for any flimsy reason. Even if it means your harlot can give you much more satisfaction than your Spouse. Or else for God's sake do not get married. Remain a bachelor for the rest of your life! Please do not break Families where young children exist. |
