The Case of the Affluent And the Indulgent

"MERE BAAP KE PAAS BAHUT PAISA HAIN".
This is the common statement heard in most indian families. What exactly does this statement mean to any reader? How often has one come across such a statement? Well, this is a remark that is easily interpretted as,"My father has lots of money", which further can be decoded as,"I now need to just relax with this huge fortune for the rest of my life". The next point is where exactly have we heard this line? It comes from the group of the rich, inflated egotist, the elite, the ostentatious, pompous and supercilious children of the creme of society, who have more money than simple intellect. These are the children who are spoiled from their infancy. The very first line the new-born child hears from his father is, "Beta, Main Hoon Na". The innocent child who is yet to get accustomed to the new environment, looks deep into his father's eyes and lets out a wail, " Oh No, not again. I may have landed on the wrong planet". He is yet to comprehend the entire meaning of the line, which means a solid assurance that his father is always there through thick and thin.

This is a common phenomenon which is not an exaggeration. How often have children been drilled to assume the fact that even after they have attained adulthood, they have a father to spoon-feed them for everything. When will we teach our children to be morally responsible for the consequences of each action, whether right or wrong, stand-up for the sins committed by them, and be head-strong in their right decisions? The manner in which the above statement is made about a prosperous father, is enough to give anyone a lot of thinking. The father on his part is to be blamed for the consequences. In his indulgence to keep his children in extreme comfort and happiness, he fails to turn them into responsible citizens and adults which is not going to help the child in any way in the future. Has the son ever thought for a moment," Yes, my father has sacrificed so much for me, just to keep me happy. Why should I not take over and contribute something in the way of my achievements towards the society?" A father is a father no doubt, but what has the son done to this world? Has anyone ever given a thought to that? And it is this same father who always comes to the rescue of his wayward son who has committed a serious crime, by bailing him out with his flashy hard cash. This very son also has the audacity to tell the law, "Do you know, who my father is?"

I quote a few lines from STERNE which says: " If thou art rich, then show the greatness of thy soul, in the meekness of thy conversation, condescend to men of low estate, support the distressed, and patronize the neglected". Be great in all your accomplishments in the right manner. I hope and pray that if each rich man made an honest man of himself, we may be very sure that there is one rascal less in this world. Don't you agree?

EMERSON, was right when he penned his thoughts and said, "Man was born to be rich, or he grows rich by the use of his faculties, by the union of thought with nature. Property is an intellectual production. The game requires coolness, right reasoning, promptness, and patience in the players. Cultivated labour drives out the brute labour". We have come across children of these rich, prosperous people who so often sneer at people and their peers little realizing how in reality they are poor in being a genius.

HAZLITT mentions that the most insignificant people are the most apt to sneer at others. They are safe from reprisals, and have no hope of rising in their own esteem but by lowering that of their neighbours. We have seen so many snobs who have so often held their nose high in the air and are so very pretentious in all their actions and words. The higher they try to elevate themselves the greater is the clarity in the incompatiblity of their very positions in life. Our society keeps under-going changes perpetually. It is barbarous with inhumanity, on all sides, at the same time it is very civilized with each new generation of intellectuals, it is very rich with its traditional, cultural, and economic prosperity, it is scientific as we see the changes all around us, but this change doe not seem to be gathering momentum.

The reason is that for everything that is given, something is taken back. New skills are acquired by the society but old aptitudes are lost. The civilized man has managed to build an automobile, or an aircraft, but has lost the use of his feet; he has a fine Rolex watch, but just cannot tell the hour by the rising or the setting sun. I recollect a saying in my school days, in the course of my studies, quoted by Mrs. SIGOURNEY: "To attain excellence in society an assemblage of qualifications is requisite: disciplined intellect, to think clearly, and to clothe thought with propriety and elegance; knowledge of human nature, to suit subject to character; true politeness, to prevent giving pain; a deep sense of morality, to preserve the dignity of speech; and a spirit of benevolence, to neutralize its asperities, and sanctify its powers".


We may be living in the trend-setting elite corner of the city, but we do have to keep reminding ourselves that there is an over-crowded squalid neighbourhood near our dwelling. Why do you think I say this? Because God the Almighty, keeps reminding us from time to time that once upon a time, we too rose in life (to stand where we are today), the same way - from 'Rags to Riches', so if we do not keep a check on our morality, (which is a total sum of our chastity, decency, ethics, integrity, justice, principles in life, our rationality and uprightness), we are likely to be dumped by the force of the Almighty, once again to the same sqalid place, to get our home-work done, all from A to Z.

I would like to end on a note by Augur and Colton: " Give me neither poverty nor riches"; and this will ever be the prayer of the wise. Our incomes should be like our shoes: if too small, they will gall and pinch us, but if too large, they will cause us to stumble and to trip. But wealth, after all, is a relative thing, since he that has little, and wants less, is richer than he that has much, but wants more. True contentment depends not upon what we have; a tub was large enough for Diogenes, but a world was too little for Alexander.

The Essence of Benevolence

I believe that when we feel much for others, and little for ourselves; to put a hold on our selfishness, and exercise our benevolent affections, constitutes the perfect art of human nature. In today's world, it does not matter what we take up, but what we give up to mankind, is what makes us richer. I feel the greatest satisfaction when I wholeheartedly distribute to the needy what is in my possession and truly of no use to me.

I remember a Quote by 'Seneca' in my school days, which says:"We should give as we would receive cheerfully, quickly and without hesitation; for there is no grace in a benefit that sticks to the fingers". An act of benevolence is a spontaneous gesture of goodwill towards someone or something - our fellow humans, the animal kingdom, and the kingdom of nature. We all have a response embedded deep within us, which is kind words and deeds that comes from benevolence, which is a silent way of uttering softly, "I Care for You". Knowingly or unknowingly, you may be doing an act of kindness without your knowledge, like wishing someone a great day, complimenting them on their success, their positive attitudes. A soft word of kindness is all that is required to build bridges between us. Had the world adapted this in practice, I am sure today the world would have been a better place to live in. We need to strongly empathize with each others sufferings, sorrow, misery rather than just sympathize.
Humanity has a strong link with nature, and if we choose to ignore this, we do so at our own risk. We have observed for a long time that nature has been mis-used, destroyed or ravaged. We need to bring an awareness in people to annihilate this gruesome act of exploitation.

We need to be role models, setting an example for the future generations, to be more judicious in our utilisation of water and electricity. Let us help in saving our Earth in small ways. Bringing in control of Pollution of all sorts, stopping the felling of trees, stopping the very act of poaching of rare species of wild animals. Let us be gentle with planet Earth. Being kind sort of triggers some very positive responses inside me. I remember an incident that happened in my life very recently. I had just finished my lunch and was getting ready to read a book, when there was a soft knock on my door. The sound itself gave me the feeling that the knocker was still pensive about his knocking on my door. I answered the caller and found a middle-aged woman in tears, standing in front of me. I was about to question her, who she was and how she managed to cross the Security guards to reach my house. But the look on her face stopped me. She blurted in between sobs, "Please offer me some food, my children have not eaten for the past few days, I am jobless". The first re-action on my part was "What if I were in her place? Who would feed my children"? I asked her to wait for a while, bolted my door and came back with a box packed well with food for a dozen children. I then accompanied her to the exit as I was sure the Security guard would not let her go and she would be booked at the Police station. I still cannot forget the look of happiness on her face, amidst the tears streaming down her face. Her face still haunts me today. The enormous satisfaction I have achieved by this small act is very difficult to fathom.

Let us try and be more considerate of other people’s feelings and promote kindness wherever we go. To show benevolence does not require high levels of education or money, nor are they conditional of age, religion, culture and so on - they are within the grasp of every human being. One can help another when they need assistance without waiting for them to ask for it. Let us show the spontaneity of our generosity naturally. Let us not forget to be the first to apologize under any circumstances. Let us be the first to accept moral responsibility for our actions.

I make it a practice to encourage my children to involve themselves in community work. My daughter once had the opportunity of helping a senior citizen, who was a total stranger, (who had met with an accident ) with blood donation. It just came to her notice through one of her friends when he asked her for her blood group. The next moment, my dear daughter goes to one end of the city in a far-off hospital to donate blood as it was a very serious case. Her presence of mind was what touched me. All of a sudden, I hugged my daughter and said,"You saved a Life, baby."

I feel as parents we have a very high degree of responsibility in bringing up our children. I am sure all of you would agree on this point. What sort of a world do we expect our children to grow up in when we do not teach them the basic attitudes towards people and the environment? Let us learn to listen to our children with patience and tact rather than jumping on to give them the advice and pointing out the pros and cons of life. When advice is required or asked for, it is imperative to give them our undivided attention.

When my children insisted on watching television, during school days, I made it mandatory that they finish all pending school work given,  to be done at home, first, and I would keep a track of it from time to time. Before hitting the bed, I saw to it that all work was completed, nothing pending for the next day, and all the requirements ready for school the next morning. This has become more or less a routine with my children and they have even imparted this to their peers. I would set up a roster for each of my child as to what responsibility in the house work they have been assigned. They would be suitably rewarded for this by the end of the week. This was a good inspiration to them, a sort of motivation to be more committed and dedicated in future.

I remember a quote by one of my teachers in school which she would repeat it as said by A.P. Stanley," Each one of us is bound to make the little circle in which he lives better, and happier. Bound to see that out of that small circle the widest good may flow. Each may have fixed in his mind the thought that out of a single household may flow infuences that shall stimulate the whole commonwealth and the whole civilized world".

Abolishing Child Labour

The future of any country rests wholly on the healthy development of a child, under conditions of freedom and dignity. Parents look forward to employ their very young children to add to their paltry incomes. Poverty is being exploited by employing children in hazardous jobs that is unsuited to their age and physical strength.

Any child who does any work that is under his age and which is not legally allowed by the Law, comes under the category of Child Labour. The hazardous work takes a toll on the child's mental, physical, social, emotional, educational and Spiritual development. This issue effects the human society too. To a child, the most important requirement for his/her all-round growth is good education, and the freedom that nature gives in his/her childhood which is meant to be enjoyed to the brim. When this is not assured to them, they have lost their precious childhood for good.

We have come across children who suffer from pangs of hunger, thirst, mal-nutrition, and diseases. The rate of infant mortality is very high, more so in India. Exploitation of children on a large scale for contemptible labour has been a bane of independent India. Children are asked to do various kinds of jobs that are injurious to their tender age and health, viz. working in fireworks factories, weaving of carpets, beedi-making, domestic work, construction sites, etc. The reason for this is that many parents from poor economical backgrounds pledge the labour of their child for very little or no wages at all in repayment of a debt that they had incurred and for which they are unable to pay back. The situation here is very grim!

Children are forced to be tedious and do jobs like polishing of shoes on the pavements, cleaning of cars, laundering, selling things on the streets like newspapers, wash-cloth at Traffic-signals, etc. Knowing very well the rules that the UNO has set up against child labour, yet we find people employing these children for odd jobs, with not even the slightest concern on humanutarian grounds. I have come across news where the children are shown to be exploited for labour which is assumed as an accepted practice and perceived as a necessity to alleviate poverty. The reason here is that due to the high level of poverty, parents from the rural sector are ready to sacrifice their children's education to satisfy the basic needs of the younger siblings in the families.

There is no control in the family about the increasing population. I have heard these very rural, illiterate people say," A child's birth is God's gift to them", so they should not take the necessary precautions for birth-control. May I ask, Where has the Common-sense gone? God has given all of us that, isn't it? We need to educate these people on such issues. I have seen children coming from below poverty levels, who are either topless or bottom-less. When I asked them the reason why they are dressed like that, they replied, their parents have asked them to share the clothes as its not affordable. Why then must one have a number of kids like a cricket Team in a family? Can't they have just one or two kids and bring them up in a respectable manner instead of having a gang of kids who always go semi-nude? Child labour is a Conspicuous problem in India. The meagre income of child labourers is also absobed by their families.

I must make a point on one issue. A child who delivers newspapers or any job ( befitting his age and stamina), before his school hours might actually benefit from learning to work, gaining responsibility, and earn a bit of money that can help him in acquiring his school provisions, or his fees. BUT, what happens 'IF' the child is not paid at all? Is that not Exploitation? We have come across many young maids working as domestic help. This is risky. They can easily be exploited and abused, sexually or physically by their employers. Seeing the alarming rate of child labour, one can easily consider the future of their country. We need to bring an awareness in the minds, and attitudes of the people around us. We could spare a little of our time in teaching the children of our maids, as I find that since education is not affordable to them, they have the tendency to send their children to work. Basic education can be imparted, such education that helps children learn such skills that can enable them to earn a living. Impart to the illiterate rural people the importance of family control, the importance of good education, skills, to their children which can help in a prosperous nation.
N.B. More articles to follow.

The Joy of bringing up my children

I never had the fear of spoiling my children by making them too happy. I consider happiness as the atmosphere in which all good affections grow. The wholesome warmth which is so esssential to make our heart-blood circulate healthily and freely; children model usually after the elders in the family. The single qualification that was taught to me by my parents, that is necessary to bring up children is, Patience - with their moods, outbursts, and sudden tempers. I have enjoyed handling their progress and various understandings with diplomacy, care and love.

As a mother, I keep reminding myself that knowing very well the fact that I am a single parent, my children's future destiny is in my hands, and the interests of their childhood and youth are the interests of mankind as a whole. God has given me children to be handled with tact, patience, and gentleness. I keep a constant care over them, guide them always, remind them to stay on the right path, reproving them earnestly, when they go astray, but not in anger. I realize that a torn jacket can be easily mended but harsh words used on a child can create a havoc in the child's heart.

I have allowed both my children to take care of themselves on their own, right from the toddler stage. They get wiser with each mistake they commit. I have keenly observed that my children are very good observers and they can see even the slightest mistake I have made. So I am always on my guard. To them, I am the role model. I remember, a saying by "Gipsey Smith" - "You save an old man and you save a unit; but you save a child, and you save a multiplication table".

We tend to overlook the fact that we could be the cause of the offense, before we beat our child. To me, every act of duty is an act of faith. God will take care of the consequences of our actions. I believe that this span of life was lent for lofty duties, not for selfishness, not to be whiled away in aimless dreams, but to improve ourselves and serve mankind as best as we can.

Torture when Glorified

As cited by Subhadra Bhikshu, " To be born is to suffer; to grow old is to suffer; to die is to suffer; to lose what is loved is to suffer; to be tied to what is not loved is to suffer; to endure what is distasteful is to suffer. In short, all the results of individuality, of seperate self-hood, necessarily involves pain or suffering.

Humanity either makes, or breeds or tolerates all its tortures, great or small. The problem arises when people in general practise self-denial, submission totally of one self, without realizing in which context they are practising. Many women have their own personal experiences about the scrifices they have made and the varied sufferings they have undergone in the family and in their community. It is a common practise for women to live in myths about their sufferings and sacrifices without giving it a thought as to whether their actions are justified in today's world. They do not realise that they have sacrificed themselves for something "wrong". They are inflicting pain on themselves in the name of religion and traditions.

The family is partly to be blamed for the woman's suffering as right from her birth she has been drilled to accept pain, suffering, torture in any form and degree, as her "Karma". There is open bias shown, amongst the sexes - A boy is glorified in the family and a girl is condemned right from her birth. The height of inhumanity comes when this little girl, a woman one fine day, leaves her parental home to cross the threshold and start a new life with a total stranger. A new home, new faces, new rules that she is not accustomed to. She is not given the opportunity to take her time in getting adjusted to her new environment.

She has to silently bear the harsh criticisms, the verbal and physical assaults from the womenfolk during the day,(for reasons of dowry) and at night she has to give her spouse all the comforts ever imaginable, in the name of religion and duty. It is therefore very necessary for today's woman to assert her rights in order to protect her clan from cruel, degrading and humiliating treatment meted out to her, thus protecting her dignity which is denied to her so often. Why does one forget that even after down-trodding a woman's self-esteem, yet she is sought after by a man for satiating his desires? What would become of the world if only man existed? Would the human race continue?

Women are compelled to marry at a very early age, before they are physically, mentally or emotionally mature. We read of so many women who are victims of incest, rape and domestic violence that has often resulted in trauma, or death. It is deplorable and pathetic! The laws fail to protect the victims or to punish the perpetrators. It takes a long time for the people to change their attitudes and their mentality towards women. It is necessary to create an awareness on the issue of violence against women, and men need to be taught to view women with dignity and honour.

I have come across instances in India where women are subjugated to the lowest level of humiliation. A married woman, who has put all her trust, and confidence in the man who vowed to be her husband, has let her down. The sacred seven steps in the Hindu marriage, the vows before the ceremonial fire, have no place for todays men. Why should the woman at every stage, always be at the receiving end? When a husband is dead the wife is subjugated to misery and is treated as an outcaste. Why is the same rule not applicable to the husband? This is shown on the idiot box in serials. Is this how the common man is being educated? Even the Hindu shastras are so biased.

When a wife loses the support of her husband, there is nothing left for her. To her, HIS support is the most important criteria in her life. She does not expect anything else from anybody. The law continues to turn a blind eye to the perpetrators of crime and atrocities on women. The extent of liberty that is given to the perpetrators is a "Bail". When a convict even after being proved guilty, is let off on a bail, it is a clear understanding to one and all that he has been given the permission and the exclusive freedom to go and finish the task that remains incomplete, prior to him being arrested. Such people should not be spared. We still live on the perception of "Ahimsa". Yes, I do agree it should be practiced, but let it be practiced where it is applicable. Is the practise going to help in the long run to mankind? Have each one of us ever given a thought to that?

The common man has come to such a stage where he feels comfortable taking the law into his own hands. The reason - We are having a very weak judicial system. Case after Case is adjourned, only to pile up with dust, with the rats eating the backlog of records with no judgements and waiting for justice. "Justice delayed is Justice denied, Justice with held is even worst than that". A case is not solved even after five to six decades. What must be the re-action of the common man who is the victim of such atrocities? He feels he has only one life to live, so why should he not make the best of it? I am sure I am not wrong in putting my thoughts across. This must be running in every body's mind.

How often have I prayed aloud,"Oh Credulity,thou hast as many ears as fame has tongues, open to every sound of truth, as falsehood". It is the gullible people who believe on slight evidence, with no evidence, or against evidence. The simple common man believes every word and finally lands into trouble.One cannot spare the luxury of believing that all things beautiful are what they seem.

I recall my mother often telling me,"Woman is the salvation or the destruction of the family. She carries its destiny in the folds of her mantle". I wish there was atleast one man of integrity, on whom we know we can thoroughly depend; who will stand firm when others fail; the friend, faithful and true; the adviser, honest and fearless; the adversary just and chivalrous.

The husband is ready to pawn his wife to make a living. Is this written in the Hindu shastra? Should faithfulness exist only in the wives and not in the husbands? Why are the Hindu wives being isolated from all that is respectful in the bonds of the sacred marriage vows? The husband is allowed to do anything he wishes with his wife, because he is the husband, and the law allows him to go scotfree. Why? Because he is a MAN! So this is what the shastras are all about? Men talk about worshipping the women folk in his house as Goddess Lakshmi, the harbinger of good fortune, and yet he goes about kicking his wife and selling her for flesh trade. Why? Because she is a WOMAN! Why this hippocracy? To him his mother is a woman, but not his wife. If his wife is not a woman then his mother also cannot be a woman. If his mother was not a woman, how did he land on earth? Is it written in the Hindu Shastra that everytime you kick your wife, you land straight into heaven to be glorified once again?

"Woman was taken out of man; not out of his head to top him, nor out of his feet to be trampled underfoot; but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved", as quoted by M.Henry

"Charity Begins At Home"

Every good act is Charity. When you smile in your brother's face, it is charity; an exhortation of your fellow-man to virtuous deeds, is as good as alms-giving; When you put a wanderer onto the right road, is charity; when you remove stones and thorns, and other obstructions from the road, is charity; when you give food and water to the hungry and thirsty, is charity.

A man's true wealth is the good that he does in this world to his fellow-man. When he dies, people will say,"What property has he left behind him?" But then the angels will ask, "What good deeds has he sent before him?" This is one of the sayings.

The old saying, "Charity begins at home;" but I find no reason as to why it should not go abroad: A man must live with this world as a true citizen, he may have his own preferences, likes or dislikes, but he should have the magnanimous feeling for the welfare of mankind.

A man should fear when he enjoys only the good things he does publicly as it is nothing but publicity he seeks rather than charity. It is a kind of vanity rather than altruism that gives rise to such types of Charities. Giving work to the poor people rather than alms, helps in driving out and banishing indolence, thereby giving rise to industry.

While actions are always to be judged by the immutable standard of right and wrong, the judgement we pass upon men must be qualified by considerations of age, country, situation, and other incidental circumstances; and it will then be found, that he who is most charitable in his judgement, is generally the least unjust - as quoted by Southey.

WHAT JUSTICE MEANS TO ME......

"Justice May be Slow, BUT, sooner or later It always catches up with the guilty".

This is a Democratic country and Democracy is the most conducive to allow any individual to live a life of dignity which affords him/her an opportunity to exercise his/her Human Rights. Arbitrary behaviour can be stopped once the respect for the Rule of the Law and for Human dignity is entrusted in everyone. Violation of Human Rights is to blame for uprooted people which always results in a consequence that is inconsistent with a person's dignity. I wish our country started implementing stricter laws and not just printed it in the local newspapers for the common man's satisfaction-Its only just Preach, Preach, BUT no Practice.There should be no question of Sama or Bhedha, but only Danda.