A GOOD WOMAN Dear friends, The other day I Was asked by a group of colleagues, "Who is a Good Woman?" I thought about this query for quite some time and well, I would like to share my thoughts with all of you. I am not sure if most of you agree with my thinking. Well this is what I have got to say: A good woman is very proud. She respects herself and others. She is aware of who she is. She neither seeks definition from the person she is with, nor does she expect them to read her mind. She is quite capable of articulating her basic needs. A good woman is hopeful for the best that life has to offer her. She is strong enough to make all her dreams come true. She knows love, therefore she gives love. She recognizes that her love has great value and must be reciprocated. If her love is taken for granted, it very soon disappears. A good woman has a dash of inspiration and a splash of endurance. She knows that she will at times have to galvanize others to reach their full potential. A good woman knows her past, understands her present and motivates herself towards the future goals. A good woman does not live in fear of the future just because of her past. Instead, she understands that her life experiences are merely lessons that are meant to bring her closer to self - knowledge and unconditional self - love. A good woman is the mysterious Feminine. she is the spirit that never dies. Although she becomes the whole universe, her immaculate purity is never ever lost. Although she assumes countless forms, her true identity always remains intact. The gateway to this mysterious female is called 'The Root of creation'. Has anyone ever patiently tried to listen to her voice, hear its echo through creation? Without fail, the good woman brings us to our own perfection. although it is invisible, it endures, it never ends. Hermes has finely quoted: " A beautiful and chaste woman is the perfect workmanship of God, the true glory of angels, the rare miracle of earth and the sole wonder of the world."

THIS IS HOW FAMILY COURTS(OF CIVIL COURTS) IN THE STATE OF KARNATAKA FUNCTION

THIS IS HOW FAMILY COURTS ( OF CIVIL COURTS) IN THE STATE OF KARNATAKA FUNCTION:

Friends and all those who chance to read this blog of mine, Kindly note one point that I wish to stress. I am not here to accuse any one individual, or any group or for that matter any Institution. This is my personal experience which I am battling since the time I realized how honestly our law system works, in the most crooked manner.

I believe in what Sir Albert Einstein quotes," Every one should be respected as an individual, but no one ought to be idolized." I have been brought up to believe that litigation should always be discouraged. The primary duty of any good lawyer is to be an excellent peacemaker, being really good at arriving with the right decisions even if it hurts his business. I was given the impression that lawyers had a high sense of integrity, ethics, and their duty was to act in the best interests of the client. He has the duty to refrain from deriving any personal benefit.

It was in the year 1999 when I had appointed an advocate from Legal Services, the Civil Court at BANGALORE city (The name of the city had not changed then). The lady in question had two others to join her which was not revealed to me initially. She showed excellent response in taking up my case and said it was a sure winning case for me. In a span of a week's time a few thousands were taken as Court and Lawyer's fees. Statements were signed, oath was taken at the family Court and another round of fees of a few hundreds, was shelled out as 'Appearance Fees'. In the interim period what was conspired is beyond my imagination. The true colors of these advocates began surfacing. First it began as a disappearance act, asking me to attend the Court hearing on National holidays like the Republic Day, when no one was in sight at the Court. After waiting for ages at the Court premises, on returning home, I did call my lawyer, only to be told very rudely, "Dumb Fool, could you not remind me that it was a National holiday?" There were other instances when similar occasions were pointed out and their music was different. "So, you are going to teach me when to attend the Court and when not?" This went on and all along I was forcibly asked to keep my patience under check, to the point when after the filing of the case had crossed one year, I was asked to close the case, by these very same lawyers, as it was "An Indigent Case." She ordered me to come to her chambers for an explanation as to why it ought to be closed. The saddest part was she asked me to speak on a very low tone as her chamber was adjacent to the Hon'ble Judge's chambers. Was she guilty? What was she afraid of? Well, I was not given any refund of the fees that I had paid so far, instead I was humiliated in public by these very notorious women lawyers (Three musketeers, as I call them) from the LEGAL SERVICES OF THE CIVIL COURT AT BANGALORE. What was the reason for the change in their attitudes is left for you to decide. She had openly announced that whoever gives her the higher fees, she would take their side( meaning she is a party to both the Petitioner and to the Respondent). When I asked her if I could work outside the home to earn for a living, so that I could look after my two small children, all three chorused - "No, you cannot work. If you do you shall lose every small relief that is due to you from your husband." So I remained jobless till date and the chances were meek of me working in the later years as my health took a drastic turn for the worse as age was catching up on me. I had no experience other than bering a teacher for the smaller classes during my stay with my husband. Wishing to come out of the field of teaching, I joined several classes for computer programming but every interview, I was dropped because of the age barrier and no one wanted a fresher at that age, with no experience. So, are these people really credible? Can they be trusted? Do they have a conscience? Do they have any ethics? Are they really Humane? No, they cannot be!!!

I am sure that most of you might just scream, " You should have checked the background of the lawyer before hiring him." Sure, I did and also had more than a dozen opinions from several people, in the positive, who are all the elite clan of today's cream of the society, so to say. So how does one judge people at face value, or people with " Bahar Ek Chehera and Andar Ek Chehera?" To me everything is PARDA HAI PARDA !!!!! Like me, any common man has no knowledge about the Law, even though we are educated. Which woman coming from a respectable, orthodox Hindu family, will ever think of going to the Court and getting an insight about the Judicial procedure? Once they are married into traditional homes, there is a common understanding between all the family members and the new bride to adjust and co-operate and move with the tide in all family disputes with some understanding and compromise. But if relations are going to turn sour only because of selfish motives, atrocious behavior from the husband where his not in the least inclined to change his habits, and be headstrong in all respects, turning despicable to his wife and children, then the best option would be to get out of such a relationship. Am I right? Do you get my point?

In the book of the Indian Law, Chapter III, Rule 6, it states that, " On termination of the brief an advocate should, subject to any privilege and / or right of retention, deliver to the client all papers and property to which the client is entitled and account for all funds of the client then held by the advocate". I have the detailed copy of all my payments to my advocates with the time, date, venue and the cause of the payment done, for future references. Yes, my parents have brought me up in a very meticulous way with exemplary discipline. I am grateful for that. We have never been brought up to cower down on something that is not right. I do not want to turn into a great Whistle-blower, just to get a pat on my back.

In the Book of Indian Law, I came across Rule 1 of Chapter I, - Relationship with the Client stating thus: It is fundamental to the relationship which exists between advocate and client that an advocate should be able to give objective and frank advice to the client free from any external or adverse pressures or interests which would destroy or weaken the advocate's professional independence or the fiduciary relationship with the client." Why was I not told in the very beginning that this was an indigent case? Was it really necessary to drag the case for one year, knowing that the client was leading a life on acute stringency and then drop her high and dry like a hot potato?

Friends, Please be on your guard when you ever happen to come across these ladies from the Legal Services at the Civil Court in Bangalore. They are mind blowingly good at butchering innocent victims. Well, this is just the beginning of my story. "Aage Aage Dekhiye, hotha Hai Kya."

In the year 2001, I instituted a M.C. for Divorce and grant of Maintenance at Bangalore Family Court. Here, the proceedings culminated in the issue of a decree for Interim Maintenance per month. My second advocate, (whom I had put full faith in and little knowing about the consequences), under duress in bonafide faith, forced me to submit an application for transfer of my M.C. to the Family Court in the place where my marriage took place. Yes, I was later told that I could file a case from the place where I reside, being a woman. Why was this not enlightened to me by my lawyer? I again leave you Readers to make the final judgment. It is anybody's guess that someone exploited the situation to my disadvantage without loss of time to present the Application at the place of my marriage which is not Bangalore. The reason given to me was a plain "Lack of Territorial Jurisdiction", filed as an objection from my husband, without my knowledge. My guess is anybody's guess. Both the lawyers from both sides were hand in glove against me. The reason? My husband was there to quench their greed for more funds and they were willing for such an act where in they get their family fed on such lumpen's charity. Now friends, do you understand in plain terms, the meaning of 'CORRUPTION', legally? Since that period till date ( it is TWELVE YEARS precisely, since I filed my first case in 1999), I have not obtained the benefit of the Decree for Interim Maintenance, thanks to adjournments from the Hon'ble Civil Court at South Karnataka, on flimsy grounds by the sitting judges, and my husband's lawyer. On all the days of the Hearing, I was not given the chance to explain the facts to the Hon'ble Judge, but when it came to my husband's turn, the Hon'ble Judge was all ears like he was listening to Tansen's music where even the great King Akbar spent sleepless nights, just enjoying such music. Why this discrepancy? Aren't the sitting Judges supposed to be impartial? Every question aimed at me was done in the open court in Dakshina Karnataka, amidst jeers and humiliations by my husband's lawyer who is supposed to be very notorious for all these lumpen acts on public display, failing to maintain the Court decorum. He rules the Roost at present. Isn't it a shame that a simple Maintenance Case continues to get adjourned for twelve years to be delivered the Judgment Order? May be my husband's lawyer had done his homework very well after seeing the movie 'DAMINI'! Unfortunately, my present lawyer is no hero like Sunny Deol. He is a simpleton.

My point in question is this: When it has been proved that a person is guilty in all respects, why is the law turning a blind eye and not prosecuting him? The main reason why funds are being showered openly for an adjournment in every Hearing is mainly because the accused is not courageous enough to admit his mistakes and be responsible for the actions committed by him. He is afraid of the outcome of his actions and the final judgment given by the Jury to punish him. So, tell me readers, for how long can he go on shelling out o people? Somewhere in the long run, his funds will definitely get exhausted unless he has a minting machine at home. After that what will he do? On all occasions when he had to make an appearance at the Court, he has come well garbed, swathed in bandages to show the Court how ill he is. The moment the hearing is over, with lightning speed he has jacked himself on the bike, pillion riding and sped off to his home. Even then the Court at Dakshina Karnataka over looks this act.

I shall name the excuses (for adjourning the Cases) for you, please do not say I did not warn you of a heart attack.

The Hon'ble judge is giving tuitions for his son who is studying in the 10th standard, so there is no Court Hearing until his exams are over. - Case Adjourned. (Yipee, the Court is closed for 15 days!)

The Hon'ble judge has sprained his ankle and needs to go to Mysore for a conference, so there is no Court Hearing today. - Case Adjourned

The Hon'ble Judge has lost his brother (dead), so he has to attend the funeral rites. Case Adjourned

The Hon'ble Judge is getting his daughter married, so he will not be attending the Court today. - Case Adjourned. I wouldn't be surprised if the adjournment was also held for the daughter going on a Honey Moon.

THe Hon'ble judge is getting posted to a new place and will be giving the Judgment order definitely today. Till the last hour, The Hon'ble judge kept my lawyer waiting anxiously and very cooly just walked away without giving the Judgment Order, stating that the New Judge will be issuing it. So, where is the sense of dedication, or the sense of integrity in these people whom we look up to, for Justice? Every new Judge has to be read the Case History of each case from the beginning in a gist format. Is this not time consuming? See, how much precious time is wasted for the litigants!!!

One of the advocates from the Civil Court in Dakshina Karnataka has passed away, so all Hearings have been adjourned. It looks like they are all waiting for some occasion to fall into their laps to get a break. Why are these people given the license to practice law?

The latest one - the present Hon'ble judge's husband has some serious leg problem, so there will not be any hearing for some days ( period- not known), so keep waiting with your eyes towards the sky, expecting a Miracle to fall in front of you!

Friends, apart from all these excuses, I must state some valid reasons when the sitting judges literally wait for an occasion to have a holiday, no matter how long the litigants wait or die with a hope on their lips for the judgment Order to be passed: Winter holidays, summer holidays, Festivals, National holidays, all in order that come, throughout the year. Tell me friends and all those who read this blog, How do you accept this sort of a behavior from the very same people who are supposed to be Just and deliver Justice? Do you call this empowerment of Women in India? What are our Politicians doing for the Common man, other than begging for Votes during Electoral campaigns?

I have had the experience of my ex-lawyer who also happens to be in the politics as stated by him (he could be fibbing, just to gain importance), when I was asked to meet him in his office in Bangalore. It was a small shanty room with a few Chamchas as I call them. He would have already tutored all of them as to how they should behave in the presence of his clients. He would always be dressed up like a 'NETA', completely white clothes, which always brought to my mind how black it was inside of his clothes, with respect to his thinking and integrity. He would act very busy, always answering fictious phone calls, when in reality he would signal his chamchas in the other room to call him on the intercom, ( and all along he thought I was believing him, Hook, line and sinker) and in my presence he would act, "Yes Sir, I shall arrange for the CM's Dinner. Don't worry, everything will be taken care of!" Since when did the CM have such butler lawyers? And which CM is he talking of? He knows best. The whole drama was only to create an awareness about his contacts with the high and Almighty. Is this really necessary?

Well, coming to the Court Scene - I have found that lawyers in the High Court in Bangalore are far more decent, very modest, their personality is something that one could just stop and watch. You will not find anyone loitering the court halls begging for clients. They come dressed as professionals, top to bottom but in the Civil Courts of Dakshina Karnataka, you look at SOME lawyers, at the top they look a bit decent, lower your pair of eyes in slow motion and then you get a shock - "Chappals" instead of decent footwear!!! Even their collar is not fitted well, it will be hanging out of their necks. Voices are not raised whilst talking in the corridors of the High Court Chambers, no idle talks will be found amongst the lawyers in the High Court. I must say they have maintained their decorum to the tilt. When you look at them, they mean business in every sense of the word, professionalism is so very clear in their attitude. Very rarely have I heard of any one taking you for a ride here, in the High Courts of Bangalore. Even the sitting Judges are ever so patient in hearing the pleas at the witness box. Every one is respected here, irrespective of status, caste, creed or color. You are given the chance to prove your point and your innocence.

Even when it came to acquiring the Certified copies from the Civil Courts in Dakshjina Karnataka, I was harassed no end. In spite of being ready to pay the Court fees for the same, even then it was just delayed on some pretext or the other. Sheer Dadagiri rules here! What is stopping them from allowing us to have the Right To Information, within the law frame? I admit that there has been a grave failure of Justice to me. As Lord Halifax quotes, " If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of lawyers in the first place." All these years, I have begun to feel that Justice is sweet and musical; but injustice is harsh and discordant. In my case it is more apt to say, "Having my fate rest in the hands of a jury is the same as entrusting myself to surgery with a mentally retarded doctor." India is such a country where the more any state is corrupt, there we have definitely more laws, and the more laws we have, then one can expect to have the least amount of Justice. Don't you agree with me, friends?

I seriously want to know the facts from some learned sitting judges - When my case has been shifted from Bangalore Civil Court, to Dakshina Karnataka Court, under duress, and till date, in a span of nearly more than a decade, there has been no relief coming to me, Why should the case not be returned to my place of residence? The main idea of shifting the case only on grounds of Lack of Territorial Jurisdiction is NOT the only reason, by my husband. His sole motive is to pull my defences down, only because I am a woman, harass me by traveling for flimsy reasons by road all the way from Bangalore to Dakshina Karnataka, knowing very well that my health is very very delicate, spend an enormous amount on my travel, my food and stay for the period of my Court hearing and no reimbursement given to me for all these expenses in the last decade. Tell me readers do you still have the crazy notion that my husband is very much in love with me? What sort of love do you call this? Is he not a psycho? Yet, Our laws are fabulous, they raise such people on a lofty pedestal and worship him with an Aarthi. Why? Because he is financially sound as long as he shells out cash for them to win the next elections.

CAN I EXPECT SOME HELP ON HUMANITARIAN GROUNDS TO HAVE JUSTICE DELIVERED? I am not sure. But yes, I am sure the Jury is out for a PICNIC, at CUBBON PARK.

THE LEVELS THAT Some INDIAN HUSBAND CAN GO TO TORTURE HIS WIFE

THE LEVELS THAT Some INDIAN HUSBANDS  CAN GO TO TORTURE THEIR WIFE:

Here is a true story that I wish to narrate to all my friends. I may or may not be there some day to relate it . I believe that time waits for no man. This is the true story that a friend of mine, or should I say my soul-mate, has, and is undergoing the life that she had never ever imagined. She was the type who always dared to be different, a sort of pioneer and a leader or rather a trend-setter. She is the kind of woman who in the face of adversity would still walk fearlessly towards any challenges that life offered to her, always with a smile and positive vibrations running in every part of her system. She would go to the bottom-most level to seek the truth of any matter that disturbed her and one can be very sure that she was triumphant in all her endeavors.

She had a very middle class up-bringing. Her parents had instilled enough of discipline in her along with her other two siblings, to hold their heads high with pride, honesty and integrity. She was brought up to believe that Justice will always win and to be as enthusiastic about other's success as if it was her own. She was put in to one of the best convent schools for a proper and chaste moral discipline in most of the cosmopolitan cities that her parents were transferred to on their jobs. So it was natural that she was highly educated and had a very broad perspective on life.

Now, you must be wondering, so what is special about her? Right? Nothing, Only the fact that One person changed her whole life in a jiffy, a very neat and clean somersault to the depths of agony and torment which she is undergoing even today. I guess you would ask out of curiosity - "Who is this person?" Patience, my dear friends !!! It is none other than her husband. From day one, he began his calculative mind, preying on her youth, her chastity and chalking out devious means to pull her innocence down, in his overly enthusiastic lust and greed for power, fame and ignominy. He was the type who just could not bear the fact that someone could outsmart him or outshine him in any field. In fact she loved her husband just too much, trusted him to the core about just everything under the sun, placing him on top priority everytime, and never, ever stood as a competitor to her husband.

This reminds me of a quote by F.W. Robertson wherein he states that, " Marriage is not a union merely between two creatures - it is a union between two spirits; and the intention of that bond is to perfect the nature of both, by supplementing their deficiencies with the force of contrast, giving to each sex those excellencies in which it is naturally deficient; to the one, strength of character and firmness of moral will; to the other, sympathy, meekness, tenderness; and just so solemn and glorious as these ends are for which the union was intended, just so terrible are the consequences if it be perverted and abused; for there is no earthly relationship which has so much power to ennoble and to exalt. "

He began by first trying to isolate his family from her. Cooking up tales, spinning yarns that were absolutely not true, but fictitious, so that his siblings and parents drew themselves away from her, in very respect making her feel lonely, deprived of love and security. What does a new bride do under these circumstances in a traditional Hindu marriage? She does not need the support of any one else in the family other than her husband to whom she is betrothed to. When this is denied to her accessibility, what is left for her? Whom does she turn to? Where can she go?

His next target was his friends, colleagues and their spouses and children. He realized that she was friendly with them, as she wanted to inter-act with some one. She was the type to make friends easily because of her warm nature, and at first all were in awe of her attitude. The day their ears were filled by the husband, they too drifted away from her. So, you see how lonely can a man make a woman feel, after marriage. He made it a point that he will go to any length to make her as miserable as possible so that she would ultimately kill herself when driven against the wall. Not satiated with this act of a demon, he began asking his friends if they wanted a One-night stand with his wife. The hungry lumpens were just too eager for this chance. But the lady stood firm with her modesty and that was when she saw the night of brutal force and agony, from her husband. Only because she refused and dared to protect herself with her moral upbringing.

With help from a few friends on their guard, she was offered a job as a teacher in one of the convent schools, in the town where her husband worked. She was deprived of the basic amenities after marriage to run the family of two young children and herself, by her husband. So, it was natural that she sought this job with a meagre salary. She soon won the hearts of the children in that school and in time that of the staff. But even that was short-lived, as her husband made it mandatory that she be thrown out of her job, only because he declared to the school authorities that she was not looking after the house when he wanted her to. The truth of the fact was that he saw to it that she was in no way independent in any way, either financially, emotionally etc etc. He had a perverted mind to see that she would cling and come begging to him in every possible way for all her needs.

Tormenting her all along during the marital life became a daily routine that she had to face from dawn to dusk. She was accused of beating her children at home. The truth was realized before it could be rectified. She was driven to the point of saturation in running a home, (keeping it as good as the front cover of an International Home magazine), keeping her husband's friends, guests entertained, looking after her children's studies( no private tuitions), cooking, laundering, etc etc without employing any maid like most indian homes have these days. Her husband was a good officer in one of the best government companies, earning a fat salary. He could have very well afforded a maid to ease his wife's burden, like all his friends do, but NO!!! It was torture on his mind. She bore all this in silence for a span of fifteen years.

I am sure you readers will exasperatingly ask, "Why the hell was she waiting for so long, bearing all this?" Friends, Indian women are known for their sense of patience, their loyalty and perseverance in sticking on to a bond that they hold so sacred. But came a time when my dear friend saw the light of the day and she said to herself, " ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! Now what triggered this sea change in her attitude? Just a simple statement from her husband when he exclaimed to her, that shook the day lights out of her system, " What makes you think that tying a mangalsutra around your neck, going around the sacred fire seven times, in the presence of two hundred people and uttering the Hindu slokas, makes you my wife? I have all these years looked upon you as just a W****.

Friends tell me, would any one of you withstand such an accusation coming from your husbands? Does this mean that whoever marries and has a Mangalsutra around their necks are all W*****?

Today, my friend is fighting it out legally at the Family Court, since the last twelve years, desperately seeking some relief from the Courts to look after herself, her two children's upbringing and also freedom from this man for a reasonable price. Here again, let me bring the fact to you that she is being harassed with adjournments as the Lawyers, and the Judges are all too happy being fed with funds from her husband to prolong the case as much as possible to deprive her of leading a respectable life in this world. Is it not a shame that a simple Maintenance relief from a Matrimonial Case takes twelve years to be granted by the family Court, and is still being adjourned with lame and flimsy excuses by the sitting judges??

So what is our judicial system doing about such cases? What are our great politicians doing for the cause of the common man, other than begging them for Votes? So, you see this is just one true story that has been brought to your notice. I am sure that there are countless such stories with more misery that any human can bear to hear, read or speak about.

This is just awareness brought to you about Indian Marriages and more so with people like my dear friend who are too good, too honest, and who just cannot be beaten to go on the wrong track. Yes, people like her suffer, because today's world accepts people with low morals, low credibility and people who have no humaneness in them. A Rich man's jokes are always very funny, even if you have to cry!!!