Why daughters are hated by their own Kith and Kin

How often has anybody heard this imploring statement coming from a young female child in their family?  Did anyone take the statement seriously?  Did they care?  Or have they taken it upon themselves to say with an air of arrogance - Who cares, SHE IS A GIRL!! Well readers,  let me take you to the world of so many young battered female children in most homes, where they are not loved, nurtured and even shown happiness for the simple reason that they are born as "A GIRL!"

I am  introducing everyone into the life of today's Indian daughters, who live with drudgery.  I certainly have no qualms about narrating what she is going through in a family where the male dominance is on a high pedestal. I believe that both sex of the  children are given the best education as per their families' capacity, but there is a thin line of partiality when it comes to educating girls.  Unfortunately, under the given circumstances where some women are a single parent they have borne the pain of bringing them up with enough of sacrifices and hardships.   Such women choose to work out of altruism.

A mother is just too happy bringing her daughter into this world, she being the first born, little realizing what is to come in the near future for both of them.  Her daughter's entry is not welcome from the word 'GO' from either her in-laws or from her maternal side. Added to that the husband would look for the smallest  pretext to abuse his daughter - dropping her confidence from a precarious height, watching her scream when she is just a baby( this gives him a kick to see the baby shrieking in fear), hitting her and abusing her from that very age.  When it comes to school, she is the target for hurls and slaps from her own father, and I feel according to them, its an accepted norm, to bring the daughters under control.  

 I have come across a few girls who are slow learners, and I am honest about that. But NOBODY UNDERSTOOD THEM!  :(   They are was always compared to their older siblings who are considered to be born smart, who are street smart in every respect and are the virtual intellectual egg-heads according to their family.  Such girls are often considered as a total nuisance in the family because they fail to come up to their Perfect mark. 

But today, thanks to these children, they have become a bit more smart in assessing people's stupidity and learning new skills to enhance their prospects, on their own. The minute a braggart tries to put them down with his/her smartness, they are all out in defense.  I feel education is the best defense against tyranny.

I believe in what Jeremy Bentham has quoted:

"Create all the happiness you are able to create: remove all the misery you are able to remove. Everyday will allow you to add something to the pleasure of others, or to diminish something of their pains.  And for every grain of enjoyment you sow in the bosom of another, you shall find a harvest in  your own bosom; while every sorrow  which you pluck out from the thoughts and feelings of a fellow creature shall be replaced by beautiful peace and joy in the sanctuary of your soul."

Well coming back to the story of daughters - Her childhood is in total mess.  I hardly remember a day when she is seen happy under her father's scrutiny.  Here again, she is compared  to her younger brother, which disastrously ends in her losing confidence in herself and gives rise to a very low self-esteem.  She slowly drifts into a corner.  A nook in this huge world where she is not given the chance to confide in anyone to help her in a patriarchal society with male dominance.

There is open bias between her and the male children in the family, and sometimes even in the presence of the other female children who are lucky to get empowered as they are smart from birth.  The reason being that in the presence of friends and relations, there is a show of good humor and bonhomie and behind their back the manipulations are worse.  The result is that even if the daughter tries to convince anyone about how she is being treated, the reaction  is always met with a stern refusal of believing what she has to confide.

What does our Indian Judiciary have to say for single parents  who want to seek legal help in finding justice over matrimonial affairs?   No chance!! All the pandemonium about women's rights, empowering women is all hogwash, just in paper.   So, where does the woman of today stand in the scenario of empowering women?  Any answers?

At home in most Indian families, the members make it mandatory to get all the chores done through the daughters saying "It's a girl's job." Why can't the same thing be put in a more polite manner to the daughters?  I have witnessed  the way  daughters are being treated by the women folk in their own families and every time,  I seem to get a strong sense of the movie  retake on 'LES MISERABLES'  (the French historical novel by Victor Hugo).  I am sure most of the readers are also subjected to the same treatment by their families.   The females are assumed to be obtuse and slow in their studies, so the better option was to put them through the grueling task of house-hold chores. They are not exposed to any other hobbies, skills or basic interests that could have made them smart. 

 So, today when the whole family sits down to watch for example, a cricket match and pass the choicest comments on batting and fielding, these poor girls are left wondering as to why a poor ball has to be hit so hard umpteen number of times just to score a few runs!! Nobody ever had sympathy for that poor ball!! And people rejoice when the scores are high.  What sort of a game is that??? May be if they were taught the intrinsic aspects of the game, they could have enjoyed it just like any one else.  But, unfortunately, the patriarchal members in the family feel that is not required. And yet they are the first ones to comment on these girls when any family friend asks as to why they are not interested in cricket or any game or any hobbies - She never takes any interest in anything!! Maar dala Usko!!!

The present scenario is that even when the family sits down for lunch one dinner plate is always missing.  Guess who?  The family never sets the dinner plate for their daughters.  According to them, she is not included as a family member.  Why?  Because SHE IS A GIRL and she is a PARIAH! So she has to be subjected to the most cruel abasement.  This coming from a woman to a woman itself! So I often have constant tiffs with my mother over such trivial issues.  I just cannot stand her harangue. My mother does not have any explanation to this attitude and only ends up saying, "What to do?  It is the girl's Karma!!

I would like to know who created this Karma? Karma begins when people are stubborn as mules to not change their atttitudes from Negative to Positive thinking in the right direction.

I have known of families where girls often had a desire to study further, beyond their graduation, specialize in certain subjects of their choice. Pat comes the reply - "What do you want to study further for?  You will only end up working in the kitchen and keep your husband happy.  So why do you want to waste our money?"So her dreams of higher studies and better prospects just dies and turns to dust.

So, now it is but natural to make a scapegoat of  her and say she is not as smart as her brother. And when these very same Nuts of society see women prospering in other families where girls are empowered, they start talking..... "See how smart and ambitious she is! You are a dud, Good for Nothing!"  Little realizing that they are the culprits for messing the child's life.

In solitary moments, when I do get the chance to be with my daughter, she always has a pathetic lament on her lips, "Mom, why am I not being loved in the same manner as my brother?  Why is he always given the better treatment by all in the family?" So you see readers, here comes the truth.  I strive really hard to boost her confidence against all odds.  And I am confident I shall see her successful in reaching her goals in life.

I am not able to say much about the psychology running in the minds of the people in such families. 

 So, the only assurance I can give my daughter is that, "We are all God's children, and IF NOBODY LOVES US,  HE is there to love us! Stick to your principles in life with dedication and courage!

In spite of all the harsh treatment meted out to daughters, she still has the forgiving quality in her.  And she also knows that in a dominating family No one will never or ever like her.  It's a shame that being females themselves, instead of supporting a girl-child in the family they are determined in wrecking her life.  And again, these are the loud speakers when it comes to feigning deep concern on abuse to women in public or anywhere in the world.  And may I ask what do they gain from all this?

The tragedy is that none of these people with a misogynist attitude ever realized the repercussions of their words and actions on the psyche of the poor child.   Today, when and IF she is employed, even at the workplace, she experiences a low self-esteem.  The confidence level is very low.  She constantly has the fear that she is good-for-nothing.  And who is responsible for this wreck?   All the loud speakers of our society. Again she is blamed for the low productivity in her work place.  

So, don't you think it's time to change the mind-set of such people, with a firm hand, who bring havoc in the female children generation after generation?

Where have we lost our peace of mind?

How often have we heard today from the very next person that we have encountered about them not having any peace of mind in their lives.   Perhaps, the reason,  I believe is that today we have thrown caution to the winds and have ended putting us to worrying for those reasons that were never there in the first place.  I would like to share these pearls of wisdom, which I hope many of you would surely agree to.

Minding Our Own Business:

It’s time we learned to stop interfering in other people’s affairs.   Many of us have just forgotten to understand the meaning of giving people SPACE.  This could be because most of us have taken it for granted we have the best logic available in today’s Super Market and that those around us who refuse to come in to our line of thinking need to be condemned and pulled by their horns into the right direction.

For a fraction of a few precious moments, have we thought that we are indeed violating the person’s uniqueness?  When we look at the five fingers on our palms, what exactly do we see?  Are they all the same?  The same point applies here to every individual created by the Almighty, and we ought to respect every individual for the beautiful creation bestowed by God.  So do we really need to cross the thin line of ethics?

Forgiving And Forgetting:

This sounds so very simple and easy.  It’s understandable that putting it into practice is a Herculean task.  When the people whom we love, trust and whom we respect, hurt us, we do have the strong urge to cultivate antagonism.  By doing this, I believe that we are the ones who suffer the most.  So, let us learn to lie low and concentrate the art of counting to ten whenever we encounter moments of hatred from such people.

Looking out for False Flattery:

We live in the midst of different types of people – some who are egotistic, mercenaries and dogmatic.  They are those people who have no words like ‘Thank you’, ‘Please’ or the basic ethics in their dictionary.  You will be able to recognize these people in no time.  They are oozing with sweetness when they need to get something out of you.  But, once their job is done, you are not in their list of known people.

These are the people who will lavish praises on you when you are in the limelight with a good financial backing, having the power to be with the rich, elite and the cream of society.  They do take pride in letting the people less known to them about their contacts with you, which clearly indicates a very low self-esteem.   The moment you are dethroned from your high horse, these very same people are out to pull you down in public and sneer at you.  YOU’VE BECOME A VILLAIN OVERNIGHT.

Do not be the Green-eyed Monster:

What does envy do to anybody?  It pulls people apart.  Instead of being envious, why can’t the people strive to work hard and learn how to climb the ladder of success?  No, these envious people do not have the time for all that and even if they do have they would like to waste it on plotting the downfall of the successful people with new strategies up their sleeves.  They end up telling all and sundry – “ I just cannot sleep at night.”   Naturally, how can they get sleep, when they are busy rolling on the bed looking out for a new scheme till the crack of dawn!!

We need to do our duty first and leave the fruits of it to the Almighty.  Instead of wasting time blaming others for our mis-fortune, let us start using our time in a constructive way.  Envy is a passion so full of cowardice and shame, that nobody ever had the confidence to own it. 

Let us change ourselves to the environment around us:

What happens when you expect the whole world to change to your attitude?  We could end up hearing everyone say – Why must I change for him or her?  I shall be the way I am. Accept it or leave it.   The point in question is – this is where we need to change ourselves to the given circumstances, compromise a bit and be easy to handle for others to move on and to allow us to move on in life.   What I mean to say that if you want to live in Peace and harmony learn to be practical, and accommodative in all spheres.

Learn to tolerate what cannot be Remedied:

In our daily routine, we do face so many situations that often make us reach our saturation point.  We come across people who just refuse to change.  We cannot help but give in to their mind-set.   I believe that either we endure them or we stay away from such toxic people who corrode our lives.  They are so full of negativity that we tend to feel we have reached the fag end of our lives. 

Do not bite more than you can chew:

These are statutory warnings that need to be etched in our brains.  We ought to know our limits and capacities to take on the responsibilities entrusted to us.   I believe in the old saying: “All work and no play makes Jack a Dull boy.” There should be a perfect balance in the work we do and in the time we utilize for rest and recreation. We need to stop thinking too much and start working on our goals in life, too.  Unwanted thinking always results in a restless mind.

Learn to be calm and relaxed:

Peace of mind is best achieved with a calm mind.  Meditating best does this, which helps in giving out your best and be more focused in life.  You begin to get clarity in your thinking and reasoning too.  Once this stage is reached you automatically learn to see success in all that you do.

An Idle Mind is A Devil’s workshop:

When you have nothing better to do the whole day, that’s when evil thoughts are bred inside you.  Learn to keep yourself occupied with what best you are able to achieve in getting peace of mind.  It could be putting your dormant talents to use, taking up hobbies that you have long ago left behind, doing a charitable work that can give you a sense of fulfillment in seeing joy in another person’s life.   If we tend to look around us, we would surely notice that there are a lot of jobs pending that we had decided to pick on sometime and never pulled ourselves to getting it done.

Stop Procrastinating and lamenting:

Delays are always very dangerous.  We ought to write it in our hearts that every day is the best day in the year.   No man ever served God by doing things to-morrow.  If we are blessed, then it’s only because of the things that we do to day.   As Young quoted, “ Procrastination is the thief of time; year after year it steals till all are fled, and to the mercies of a moment leaves the vast concerns of an eternal scene.”   

I believe that the procrastinator is not only indolent and weak but commonly false too;  most of the weak are false.