One evening as I sat with my friends discussing on the women in India, of today and that of the medieval period, we started with a new topic of discussion that was going around. This was the topic of 'Honor killing' and that has prompted me to write and share my views on this subject. I hope I am able to put my understanding across to you, my dear friends.
As quoted by F.W. Robertson- "Marriage is not a union merely between two creatures - it is a union between two spirits; and the intention of that bond is to perfect the nature of both, by supplementing their deficiencies with the force of contrast, giving to each sex those excellencies in which it is naturally deficient; to the one, strength of character and firmness of moral will; to the other, sympathy, meekness, tenderness; and just so solemn and glorious as these ends are for which the union was intended, just so terrible are the consequences if it be perverted and abused; for there is no earthly relationship which has so much power to ennoble and to exalt. There are two rocks, in this world of ours, on which the soul must either anchor or be wrecked - the one is GOD, and the other is the sex opposite."
In today's fast moving world, more and more people are marrying into different faiths and religions. A major difficulty these young couples can face is lack of acceptance by their parents and their family. Many times I have seen that the parents' negative reaction is so strong that they forcibly disown their offspring. They even refuse to speak on any matter that relates to their union, which then becomes a ban, an unresolvable problem that creates tremendous pain and hurt among all the members in the family. The parents' react to their child's marrying outside the family's traditional religion in drastic ways which is beyond any understanding for the common man.
My perspective in this regard is that parents should try to understand that if they truly love their child, then they naturally will love whomever he or she loves. That is what I consider love is. Love is unconditional and need not be taken away when a grown up son or daughter makes a major decision in life with which the parents disagree. Again, family problems need to be talked about and amicably resolved in a healthy atmosphere, rather than just throwing it out to the winds.
Couples can help prevent such unacceptance by not rushing into marriage. Let them have a long courtship period, wherein they get to understand each other perfectly, their likes and dislikes, their drawbacks, and their temper tantrums. At the same time, they must give their parents time to adjust and ample opportunities to get to know their prospective spouses and his or her parents. When two people have chosen each other out of all the species in mankind, with the firm decison to be there for each other at all times in life's humdrum, have bound themselves to be good-humored, affable,discreet, ever-forgiving, patient to each other's needs and understandings, and joyful, with respect to each other's frailities and perfections, for the rest of their lives.
Couples should use reason and avoid emotion when discussing the proposed marriage. Parents are often impressed to see their off-springs becoming a better, more mature person. So, it is the primary duty of the couples to show their parents through actions that the relationship with their spouses-to-be makes them a more responsible adult, more aware of their duties, obligations in life and better at fulfilling them.
Philosopher, historian, Thomas De Quincey defined marriage as "a union between two persons, who lived in harmony so absolute with each other, as to be independent of the world outside." I have come across marriages of inter-faith where both spouses keep their own separate religions, sharing holidays and the traditions that go with them. They respect their spouse's religious and spiritual beliefs and learn to appreciate the differences and the beauty in both the religions. Their children are also learning about the differences and also the similarities of their beliefs. They may have different belief systems, yet they are united in their philosophy about religion. I consider that religion is a very personal issue. No matter how we have been raised, we have chosen our faiths through our education, our beliefs and ultimately our personal faith.
Problems are certainly going to arise when one's philosophy does not allow him or her to respect another person's beliefs. This is their personal choice. This will definitely give rise to a conflict in marriage. I feel that in an inter-faith marriage, couples can derive immense strength in their marriage when they study the scriptures of the holy book together. This brings them much closer and also helps in bonding and stimulating a good conversation. When couples fight, it is wrong to vent their frustrations by using religion to prove their spouse's wrong. To prove they are religious, can they not prove this through their actions instead of words? The children should also be taught to respect and be tolerant to all the religions. When GOD himself has no qualms about religions or the manner in which mankind prays to him why are we stressing on the futile point of religion? Is he not blessing each one of us with our prayers to him?
Yes, I have seen parents complain that they have sacrificed all their life immensely to bring up their children in the right way with moral values and ethics, so when their children announce their intention of marrying outside their faith, the first reaction is, "Where have I gone wrong? " Their children's decision is taken as a rejection of their values and a total lack of appreciation for all that they did.. This is understandable. But, I feel the parents are not being rejected, it may be the beginning of a bright new chapter in future. Marriage does not mean cutting off the roots of the family tree or the family bonding from either side. Marriage does not mean tearing any family to shreds only for the selfish purpose of the two couples getting married to remain happy.
As Bulwer said," To be happy you must forget yourself. Learn Benevolence; it is the only cure of a morbid temper."
As quoted by F.W. Robertson- "Marriage is not a union merely between two creatures - it is a union between two spirits; and the intention of that bond is to perfect the nature of both, by supplementing their deficiencies with the force of contrast, giving to each sex those excellencies in which it is naturally deficient; to the one, strength of character and firmness of moral will; to the other, sympathy, meekness, tenderness; and just so solemn and glorious as these ends are for which the union was intended, just so terrible are the consequences if it be perverted and abused; for there is no earthly relationship which has so much power to ennoble and to exalt. There are two rocks, in this world of ours, on which the soul must either anchor or be wrecked - the one is GOD, and the other is the sex opposite."
In today's fast moving world, more and more people are marrying into different faiths and religions. A major difficulty these young couples can face is lack of acceptance by their parents and their family. Many times I have seen that the parents' negative reaction is so strong that they forcibly disown their offspring. They even refuse to speak on any matter that relates to their union, which then becomes a ban, an unresolvable problem that creates tremendous pain and hurt among all the members in the family. The parents' react to their child's marrying outside the family's traditional religion in drastic ways which is beyond any understanding for the common man.
My perspective in this regard is that parents should try to understand that if they truly love their child, then they naturally will love whomever he or she loves. That is what I consider love is. Love is unconditional and need not be taken away when a grown up son or daughter makes a major decision in life with which the parents disagree. Again, family problems need to be talked about and amicably resolved in a healthy atmosphere, rather than just throwing it out to the winds.
Couples can help prevent such unacceptance by not rushing into marriage. Let them have a long courtship period, wherein they get to understand each other perfectly, their likes and dislikes, their drawbacks, and their temper tantrums. At the same time, they must give their parents time to adjust and ample opportunities to get to know their prospective spouses and his or her parents. When two people have chosen each other out of all the species in mankind, with the firm decison to be there for each other at all times in life's humdrum, have bound themselves to be good-humored, affable,discreet, ever-forgiving, patient to each other's needs and understandings, and joyful, with respect to each other's frailities and perfections, for the rest of their lives.
Couples should use reason and avoid emotion when discussing the proposed marriage. Parents are often impressed to see their off-springs becoming a better, more mature person. So, it is the primary duty of the couples to show their parents through actions that the relationship with their spouses-to-be makes them a more responsible adult, more aware of their duties, obligations in life and better at fulfilling them.
Philosopher, historian, Thomas De Quincey defined marriage as "a union between two persons, who lived in harmony so absolute with each other, as to be independent of the world outside." I have come across marriages of inter-faith where both spouses keep their own separate religions, sharing holidays and the traditions that go with them. They respect their spouse's religious and spiritual beliefs and learn to appreciate the differences and the beauty in both the religions. Their children are also learning about the differences and also the similarities of their beliefs. They may have different belief systems, yet they are united in their philosophy about religion. I consider that religion is a very personal issue. No matter how we have been raised, we have chosen our faiths through our education, our beliefs and ultimately our personal faith.
Problems are certainly going to arise when one's philosophy does not allow him or her to respect another person's beliefs. This is their personal choice. This will definitely give rise to a conflict in marriage. I feel that in an inter-faith marriage, couples can derive immense strength in their marriage when they study the scriptures of the holy book together. This brings them much closer and also helps in bonding and stimulating a good conversation. When couples fight, it is wrong to vent their frustrations by using religion to prove their spouse's wrong. To prove they are religious, can they not prove this through their actions instead of words? The children should also be taught to respect and be tolerant to all the religions. When GOD himself has no qualms about religions or the manner in which mankind prays to him why are we stressing on the futile point of religion? Is he not blessing each one of us with our prayers to him?
Yes, I have seen parents complain that they have sacrificed all their life immensely to bring up their children in the right way with moral values and ethics, so when their children announce their intention of marrying outside their faith, the first reaction is, "Where have I gone wrong? " Their children's decision is taken as a rejection of their values and a total lack of appreciation for all that they did.. This is understandable. But, I feel the parents are not being rejected, it may be the beginning of a bright new chapter in future. Marriage does not mean cutting off the roots of the family tree or the family bonding from either side. Marriage does not mean tearing any family to shreds only for the selfish purpose of the two couples getting married to remain happy.
As Bulwer said," To be happy you must forget yourself. Learn Benevolence; it is the only cure of a morbid temper."
