You Are You

 You are strong when you take your grief and teach it to smile.

You are brave when you overcome your fear and help others to do the same.

You are happy when you see a flower and are thankful for the blessing.

You are loving when your own pain does not blind you to the pain of others.

You are wise when you know the limits of your wisdom.

You are true when you admit there are times you fool yourself.

You are alive when tomorrow's hope means more to you than yesterday's mistake.

You are growing when you know what you are but not what you will become.

You are free when you are in control of yourself and do not wish to control others.

You are honorable when you find your honor is to honor others.

You are generous when you can take as sweetly as you can give.

You are humble when you do not know how humble you are.

You are thoughtful when you see me just as I am and treat me just as you are.

You are merciful when you forgive in others the faults you condemn in yourself.

You are beautiful when you don't need a mirror to tell you.

You are rich when you never need more than what you have.

You are you when you are at peace with who you are not.

HOW SAFE ARE OUR WOMEN IN INDIA?

My dear Friends, here is a chilling account of an incident that occurred a few days back in the Capital city of our country. A place that everyone looks up to as the most prestigious, elite class of cities with innumerable people who are called as “The Cream of High Society”.  But has anyone seen the other side of Mid-night? Please do read on.

A medical student on her way from home after duty was gang raped by a group of six jerks in New Delhi on the 16^th of December.  Her boyfriend escorted her.  She is struggling for her life on a ventilator.

It must be noted that less than an hour before the rape incident, the men on the bus reportedly called out to a carpenter and offered him a ride. He got on unawares and was robbed.  The innocent man was dumped out of the bus on a busy road, which is very close to the well-known INDIAN INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY. The bus then headed towards the stop where the young lady and her friend were waiting to board a bus to take them home. 

The men, including the bus driver, had taken out the bus for a joy ride on the evening of the incident. According to the police, they were all drinking before the incident and practically moonlighting, hoping to make an extra buck.  They spotted the student with her friend at the bus stop, called out to them saying they were headed to the place where she  lives and pulled over.  As per the reports, the young lady and her friend boarded the bus, assuming that this was one of the many privately operated buses that are treated like public transport in Delhi.   They bought the tickets and boarded the bus.

On the bus, an argument began when the accused asked the lady’s friend what he was doing with a young woman at that time of the night.  Since when have the bus drivers begun “Moral Policing”?  That was none of his or her business to investigate on anyone’s private life.  They were soon being harassed for being out at night, which was approximately around 8:15 PM. When her friend intervened to help her, the attackers gagged him and then began hitting him mercilessly with an iron rod. She tried to protect him and the men on the bus decided she “SHOULD BE PUNISHED”.  She was hit with the same rod and gang-raped in the most heinous and demeaning manner in the driver’s cabin where she was forcibly taken, while the driver kept the bus moving.  Having sated their satanical and insatiable hunger and lust for a woman’s flesh for a certain point of time, (as per the Friend’s revelation it was 90 minutes of torture for the young lady, who was physically assaulted with the iron rod on her face, her private parts, the internal organs ruptured), the couple was thrown semi-naked onto the road.

They were found unconscious there, by a passer-by who informed the police. They were then taken to hospital, where the woman has undergone multiple surgeries and is on ventilator support with what the doctors have described as “irreparable damage” to her abdomen and intestines.  Doctors say that her condition is very critical.  The abdomen and the intestine are not in the right place. This was an absolutely abominable act, which ought to be condemned by anyone who has the least bit of remorse and humanity in them.

My friends, don’t you feel that this act calls for some thinking?  Is this not a gross violation of human rights? Are a boy and a girl being together a crime? It appears that the criminals have no fear for the laws of this country, as they admit openly that they are remorseless.  If the men are questioning the girl and her friend as to what they were doing out at night, may I ask those hoodlums what were they doing at that hour of the night too? Is being out on the road only the privilege of the males?  The question arises now as to how safe are our women in this country that worships the female deities and seeks her blessings for all their wants. What is the Center doing about the ever-increasing crime rate in our country?  When it comes to discussions on sensitive issues on women in the Parliament they have NO TIME.  Why are our laws so lenient that every criminal is treated like a king?

Laws should be deterrent. We need more of implementation of strict laws rather than verbal talks from the members of the Parliament. There is more of verbal diarrhea on rules that are only on paper.  No wonder the criminals are making hay under such an atmosphere. The fear of the corporal punishment ceases to exist.   When will the Center really really wake up?  We find that 30% of the Security and the Police Force are on VIP duty. Isn’t this outrageous? Where is all our tax that is being paid so judiciously by us the common man going?

 My Question to all is – “why is it that the statement in the end always comes as a blame game on the women as “She asked for it.” Why cannot the men be put on a leash? As someone once said, “We men have a defective gene somewhere”. Yes that is really very true. Men just cannot control their lust when they see a woman.  Why is it that they lose their self-control at the sight of a woman? Where has their will power gone? Look at this picture - who are the men to question on what a woman wears?  My message to those perverts is this -"Thank your stars SHE  has not come naked in front of you. Where has your lustful senses gone out of place? 

There were even young men who got the information all warped up on the wrong side of the brain, and who had the audacity to tell me, "But aunty she should have dressed decently and not scantily."  Oh really!! When a woman is fully clothed from head to foot in a Punjabi dress or even a pair of Jeans, or the traditional Indian NAARI, in a saree, even then she is raped. And for those trying to enlighten me - In this case, the young student was fully clothed, in New Delhi's Winter, BUT I insist on the BUT,  she was thrown out in a semi-naked condition.  Who the hell has the answer to that?  These men think that they are all PURITANS, the so-called SAINTS.

I am writing this blog because I am so depressed, yes; I am so disturbed at the lawlessness of our country. I like any young mother have so many questions to ask from our law makers and from the Government – Why? Why are you so partial to the women folk of our country? How can you guarantee to us mothers that our daughters are safe?  Can you assure us that once our daughters go out of the house to earn a respectable living, will they come back safely, physically, mentally, emotionally to carry on their daily tasks and routine chores with their heads held high in dignity and pride?  Can you?

I am sick of all the “YES MINISTERS”.  It is time for me to cry out in despair – ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!

A Mother's Love

When you were 1 year old, she fed you and bathed you.
- You thanked her by crying all the night.
When you were 2 years old, she taught you to walk.
- You thanked her by running away when she called.
When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals with love.
- You thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor.
When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons.
- You thanked her by coloring the dinning room table.
When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the holidays.
- You thanked her by looping into the nearest pile of mud.
When you were 6 years old, she walked you into school.
- You thanked her by screaming, “I’M NOT GOING”.
When you were 7 years old, she bought you a baseball.
- You thanked her by throwing it through the next-door-neighbor window.
When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice cream.
- You thanked her by dripping it all over you lap.
When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons.
- You thanked her by never even bothering to practice it.
When you were 10 years old, she drove you all day, from soccer to gymnastic to one birthday party after another.
- You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.
When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to the movies.
- You thanked her by asking to sit in the different row.
When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows.
- You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.
When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming.
- You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.
When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp.
- You thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter.
When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug.
- You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.
When you were 16, she taught you how to drive her car.
- You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.
When you were 17, she was expecting an important call.
- You thanked her by being on the phone all night.
When you were 18, she cried at your school graduation.
- You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.
When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus, carried your bags.
- You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn’t be embarrassed in front of you friends.
When you were 20, she asked whether you were seeing anyone.
- You thanked her by saying “It’s none of you business”.
When you were 21, she suggested certain careers for your future.
- You thanked her by saying “I don’t want to be like you”. 
When you were 22, she hugged you at your college graduation.
- You thanked her by asking whether she could pay for a trip to Europe.
When you were 23, she gave you furniture for your first apartment.
- You thanked her by telling your friend it was ugly.
When you were 24, she met your fiancee and asked about your plans for the future.
- You thanked her by glaring and growling, “Muuhh-ther, please!”
When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told how deeply she loved you.
- You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.
When you were 30, she called with some advice on the baby.
- You thanked by telling her, “Things are different now.”
When you were 40, she called to remind you of a relative’s birthday.
- You thanked her by saying you were “really busy right now.”
When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her.
- You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children.
And then, one day, she quietly died. And everything you never did, came crashing down like thunder on your heart. 
If she’s still around, never forget to love her more than ever. And if she’s not, remember her unconditional love

JANNAT - HEAVEN ON EARTH

 ‘JANNAT’ – HEAVEN ON EARTH

Dear Readers, before reading this blog I would request you to first go through Part I of my blog. The link is: www.pratima-myperspective.blogspot.com

Well, we took a day’s rest after the hectic trek to the Holy Shrine.  Both my mom and I were fagged out to even think of going for the local sight seeing at Katra.  So, we decided to keep the visit for the next visit shortly.   I have a soft corner for animals, and it does not matter to me if they are the wild species or the domesticated ones.  So here, at the Vandurga hotel, I fell in love with the canine, a German shepherd breed named ‘SHEROO’.   What a romantic name! And my dear friend was as handsome as ever. A heavily built canine with fluffy long hair to his mane of black and gold color. And you bet he had a royal living compared to other dogs.  A fairly huge shed with an overhead fan always on the run to keep his cool and when I pointed out to him, he was raising his head as proud as a peacock, as if destined to say, “I deserve it!”

Leaving him behind was really sad, but I did it with enough courage only to assure him that I was coming back pretty soon in the near future. 

We started the next morning as early as 05:00 am in a hired cab to Jammu and then on to Srinagar in a shared cab.  Rented cabs are easily available in Katra for a nominal price and its safe for even ladies to travel alone without male companions, as the cab drivers are trustworthy and reliable.  We reached Jammu quite early, around 06:30 am.  Soon we got into a cab – A TATA SUMO, which was shared by a few male companions who were also heading towards Srinagar.  The owner of the cab was still in need of three passengers as the capacity was for seven passengers.  We waited and finally two ladies got in, an old lady and her daughter.   Since the quota was not fulfilled with the requirement of another passenger, we were losing time, and it was decided to start immediately. Our driver was a Kashmiri Muslim and a real cartoon in the making, which we realized as the journey, progressed.

Looking at my mom and me, he guessed we were from India, and he was exhibiting his overly ‘Mehemaan Niwazi Khatirdaari’ (treating the guest with Kindness).   My mom had this weakness or should I say the fear from all the crazy stories she heard about the Muslims in POK and in Kashmir. So, this overly affectionate behavior from the driver only worsened her fears, and more so when things began on a crazy note.  Be prepared to sit back and laugh.  Fasten your seat belts, please; we are ready to take off!!!

We were seated in the middle seat of the ‘TATA SUMO’ at the start of the journey, waiting for other passengers to be seated.  This joker of a driver comes up to us and says, “Please come and sit in the front seat with me!”  I, like a real bloke, thought may be he was having some good reason for it, so I agreed.  Seeing me change the seat the owner of the cab stopped me and asked as to why I was changing my seat.  I passed on what the driver had told. He then questioned him.  The reply he gave was something where I just could not control my laughter.  He said, if the ladies did not come into the front seat, the car would not start.  Sensing his mood, the cab owner, made a real comical face in disgust and anger, saying, “I’ll show you how to start the car!”  By now, my mom was a shriveled kitten, giving me a pathetic look as to say, “Are you sure, you want to take this cab?” I was in for some real good adventure and I nodded. 

Well we started by around 07:30 am.  I had requested the two ladies to sit in the middle seat as the mother was quite old and it was appreciated.  Mom and I sat at the rear seat with the cab driver looking off and on at the rear view mirror cursing under his breath on the change of our seats.   I was busy making a note in my book on the passing scenes, the army squad all along NH1-A. 

We reached Udhampur for tea break at 10:30 am.  The roads are fairly good with sharp inclines and hairpin bends. These are well maintained by the Border Roads Organization (BRO). We got to see a few interesting places like Jajjar Kotli, Kud, Patnitop, Batote, Ramban, Bannihal, and Qazi Gund etc.  I shall be telling you a bit of all these places as I proceed along. 

At Kud we stopped to taste a few of the delicious sweets called PATISTA that Kashmir is famous for.  This place comes on the Udhampur Srinagar Highway.  

Our driver was again too pleased to buy us the sweets and we did not want to hurt him.  My mom and the lady in front were just too eager to dissuade me from taking anything from the driver.  See, what happens next, they warned.  I was laughing under my breath!  

I could not resist the Kashmir apples on the way.  Seeing so many of them on the trees and within easy reach of plucking, I asked if I could have some of them? The driver again rushed to my rescue, “Don’t ever think of such a thing! If you fall you shall go deep down into the valley and no one will find you.”  So, my idea of eating apples was laid to rest. ‘R.I.P’.

We began driving further and entered Patnitop where I got to see a lot of Pine trees.  Here, the climate cooled a bit, compared to the other places, which we crossed where I found the heat unbearable.

Next, we headed to Batote.  This is such a beautiful place, really breath taking.  There were pine trees that were majestically tall enough to dwarf the sight of the beautiful hills and mountains.  

We came across the Gamma Unit – J9 and got to see a lot of army soldiers in trucks patrolling the areas.  The army soldiers looked real tough and deeply concerned about our welfare as they normally do with all tourists.  Here again, my urge to relish the luscious red apples went down the drain.  They are irresistible.   After this we headed towards the Nashri viewpoint.  Here the construction of the Chenani-Nashri tunnel was being done that connects Srinagar with the rest of the country.  I believe that most people were looking forward to it, as the distance is reduced by a few 30 kms, which helps in saving the journey in just about five hours. We proceeded on the road from Champa.  Here, a road sign caught my eye – “If married, DIVORCE SPEED!”  

In fact there are a lot of interesting Road signs all along the way, which kept us interested.  Another sign brought a strong feeling of patriotism in all of us – “KASHMIR TO KANYKUMARI, INDIA IS ONE.”   We crossed the KUMFER Bridge or the old Srinagar Bridge under which flows the muddy Jhelum River through the old town of Srinagar. 

Next, we came across Rambhan.  The area looked a bit too sensitive so our driver just happened to press on to the accelerator.   For a few moments, we did not know what was happening. As we slowed down a few kms after, a young man asking for a lift stopped us.  He was headed towards Srinagar.  The driver just accepted his entry.  Everyone all of a sudden met his entry with a hushed silence, as he looked at all the occupants in the cab with a curious look.  My mom started getting the jitters now, as she always was the first to come to conclusions.  He politely asked us from where we had come.  The moment he heard Bangalore, he was all attention towards us, forgetting the others in the cab.  I shall never forget his Pathani outfit that he wore, his well-shaped beard and the surma-laden eyes that were piercing.  Yet, he reminded me of some Moghul Prince without his sword.  He looked very majestic.  My mom for the next few hours dared not open her mouth as she was convinced something was going to happen. 

I wanted to break the icy atmosphere so I decided to start a conversation.  I opened my food hamper and called out aloud, “Anyone hungry here?”  There was deathly silence.  Going by my guts and presence of mind I opened a pack of snacks and passed it on saying, “These sweets are specially home made.  Would you like to taste them?  They are from India.  Slowly heads turned and the pack was passed on.  I watched everyone take a bite with the eagerness of the school kids on a picnic. Food was shared amidst the slow entry of laughter and jokes. 

As we were immersed in this amiable conversation all of a sudden darkness engulfed us.  It was unending.  I came to know later that we were in a long tunnel having a length of 2500mts that was maintained by BRO of the Indian army and guarded by the CRPF, which also monitors it by CCTVS, as it is vital for Kashmir Valley.  It is the only tunnel that connects Kashmir to the rest of the country, known as JAWAHAR TUNNEL.

After this, some of the passengers suggested we stop at the nearest tea stall as we had entered Anantnag.  I found a lot of stalls selling Cricket bats.  We stopped to refresh ourselves at the rest room of a fairly good hotel while all the male passengers sipped their tea.  Having refreshed ourselves, we got into the cab, waiting for the others to settle in.  Soon all returned and as we started the journey once again, the driver asked us ladies why we refrained from having tea and if he could help us get each a cup.  My mom was quick to reply without batting an eyelid – “ Hum sab Thande Thande hain, Aap jaise Garam Garam Nahin Hain.” (We are all cold people, unlike you who are so HOT!”) The next moment resulted in a sudden burst of laughter, as everyone thought my mom at the ripe old age of 78 years was indeed being very very sexy. Nobody could stop laughing and ultimately the nervous driver had to stop the car with the squeal of the brakes. “ Aap ne abhi abhi kya farmaye?”  (What is it that you just told?)  I was holding my head in my hands, and with my face down hissing under my breath, “Mom, will you just Shut up?” Even the new entrant from Rambhan was staring at both of us.  His look gave us a lot of explanation – “ Uh Huhn, so this is how Indians think about drinking tea?”  I diverted the attention, saying,  “Are yaar, jaldi chaliye, dher ho rahi hai, humein sham hone se pehele pahunchni hai.” (C’mon you guys, get started, we need to reach before it’s too late in the evening.”) The driver was trying his best to focus his look at us in the rear view mirror, but I just kept avoiding his look for any further problem.

We got to see a lot of Chinar trees on the way that reminded us we are closing in on Srinagar. We crossed the Islamic International School and then on to BIJBEHARA, the local Market Area.  This place is also known as “VETH.”  I believe it is one of the well-known and notable towns of the district. This little town is filled with Chinar trees and is popularly called “The Town of Chinars.”  The story goes that Mughal emperors from Iran to enhance the beauty of the town imported the Chinar trees. 

From there we proceeded on to AWANTIPORA.   This place is situated midway between Anantnag and Srinagar city on National Highway 1A. Here there are a lot of Hindu temples built by King Awanti Varman when he chose the site as a capital.  There is the Indian Air Force Station near this place at Koil, which is about 5 km from Pulwama town.  From here we picked up Speed and stopped at a Market place where our dear friend from Rambhan alighted.  As he got out, he held the door wide open and beckoned us to come out. Surprised we were wondering what he was up to.  With a genuine smile on his face, he welcomes us and says,

“ Chaliye, Ghar Aa gaya. Aap hamare saath Nahi aayenge?

I replied: “Kahan ji?”

Is Kinaare Par aap ka desh hai, aur Us Kinaare hamaara desh hai.

(Come on, won’t you come home with me?

Where to?

On this side is your country and my country lies on the other side)

I guess readers you might have understood what he actually meant.  I do not have to spell it out.   I politely replied, that I would definitely come the next time, and thanked him for the kind invitation to his country. He was just too pleased to have our company for the short span of time.  I was glad he had a lot  to talk about us to his folks back home, in the same manner that we have to narrate on the cross-country relations. 

We reached Srinagar and a little into the town, our lady companions got down.  We wished them luck and hoped to meet them soon.  They were feeling a bit sad that in such a short span of time, we got to know each other yet something to remember.  One by one all the occupants alighted at their respective stops and we were the last ones to get out.  Our driver was instructed to keep us safely in the cab by our Hotel owner, Mr. Sarwar, until he came to pick us up.

It was a good experience knowing and meeting people across the borders.  I wanted my mom to get over her dis-illusionment about the people across the borders of our country.  They are as humane as us and I believe that most of the mis-understandings come with wrong information about the people, their government and their life-style.  Readers, if you have the chance, try and go personally to meet these people to keep all your doubts at rest.   I am saddened at the sheer poverty stricken people.  We here in India are much better off than those people who are forever living in fear at the slightest sound of an explosion.  The war-torn areas are not healthy for the innocent children to grow up in such an atmosphere. I can see the fear in their eyes that is the naked truth! 

Well we reached our Hotel – Hotel JH BaZaZ.  This is a cozy cottage and I assure you anyone can fall in love with this place.  It is a bit in the interior, an area close to the Dal Lake.  We were well looked after by the owners, a joint team of father and son who are as humble and generous as ever.  They take a personal interest in each guest, making sure that you are really comfortable and looking after all your needs and wants.   Mr. Sarwar helped with a quick list of the most important things to see and do in Srinagar as I had left the itinerary plan with him. We decided to rest for the evening and start the next morning.

Our first trip was a Shikara ride around the famous Dal Lake, where we got to see the Floating Garden and the Market.  We were also shown the Char Chinar on the way.

Our next stop was at the famous Moghul Gardens, then the Chashmeshahi, the Nishat and Shalimar Gardens.   I was very particular about visiting Pir Baba’s Mosque - The Hazratbal Shrine, the beauty that somehow seemed to captivate me.

Breakfast was at one of the local hotels.  I saw the hotelier  pouring dosas and thought of giving this a try.  A dosa in Kashmir?   Believe me when I say it was so delicious.  I was ecstatic that Kashmiris had mastered the culinary skills even from South India.  The Dosas were paper crisp and the chutney was yummy the way we cook at home.  The cook was just pleased to see us having it. I could not help praising him. 

We had an efficient driver called Riaz who also helped in being our guide.  He was good at any information we wanted from the tourist point of view.  All along he kept a continuous verbal discussion on each place of interest, which we appreciated.  The end of the day we did a bit of shopping for Souvenirs and my ever-crazy Kashmiri apples.  How could I forget my darling red apples?

Leaving Kashmir was a sorrow deep in our hearts.  It is not just a place that you can forget that easily.  This is my second visit after 35 years.  The last visit was on a school trip, somewhat similar to a cultural exchange trip and I remember I topped my batch on the thesis about Kashmir and its people.  Even today I have nostalgic memories of that era.

Kashmiris are very loving people.  They are very warm hearted and always friendly.  It’s wrong to conclude about people without knowing the facts. The news we hear is sheer bullshit.  I must put it in writing that one must see for themselves the truth of this heavenly place before making any stupid assumptions.  I hope I get to see this place once again very very soon. 

THANK YOU, KASHMIR FOR YOUR WARMTH AND GENEROSITY.