THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in 

hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. 

And while no one  knows what is in a hotdog, 

you can be pretty sure it isn't canine.

English muffins were not invented in England nor 

French fries in France.


Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads 

which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its 

paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work 

slowly,  boxing rings are square, and guinea pig 

is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.


And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't

fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't 

ham?


If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural

of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one

moose,  two meese?



Is cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, 2

mice. One louse, 2 lice. One house, 2 hice?


If teachers taught, why didn't preachers

praught?


If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a 

humanitarian eat?


Why do people recite at a play, and play at a

recital?


Ship by truck or car and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on

driveways and drive on parkways?



How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the

same, while a wise man and a wise guy are

opposites?


How can the weather be hot as heck one day

and cold as heck another? When a house burns

up, it burns down. 

You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm

clock goes off by going on. You get in and out of

a car, yet you get on and off a bus. When the

stars are out, they are visible, but when

the lights are out, they are invisible.



And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it,

but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

English is a silly language ... it doesn't know if it

is coming or going!!!