Caring For The Elderly

CARING FOR THE ELDERLY

Caring for the elderly has many aspects and is very often fervently abstruse for the person who looks after them. It requires that amnesty be offered whole-heartedly and all past painful memories be dealt with empathy and diplomacy, akin to handling an infant's emotional needs. Here what counts is the provision for quality care.

Caring often involves providing a home with warmth and security, helping in handling the financial responsibilities, dealing with mental health related to aging such as dementia, meet their socialization needs, and help in making the right decisions with honesty and integrity.

How do I shoulder these responsibilities that are ever so prodigious? I care for my mother who is pretty old physically but very young at heart and in mind, without a single break, knowing that it is very tedious and that sometime I too need a break from the heavy demands.

So, I rely on the Almighty for cogency. I pray hard to get through each day and take life one day at a time. I do not know what tomorrow has in store for me! Praying gives me some measure of comfort. My prayer is to ask the good Lord to guide me in ways to keep my mother as comfortable as possible as even now at this ripe age she is very fussy about practically everything under the sun.

For breakfast if dosas are served ( Pan-cakes), the crisp smell finds her asking for three dosas to be served, but she ends up eating only two. Normally we don't have a third helping, so it is always me at the end having the extra left-overs as mom hates food being wasted. Do I have a choice? So, I pray, "Oh God, please let her ask for only two doses the next time." When the next time eventually comes she does a somersault and eats only one dosa.

Agreed, caring for my mother is an herculean and exhausting task that requires patience, tact and lots of love. One slight harsh word by the slip of anyone's tongue or a raised voice results in her moving into the solitude. Yes, it is a full-time job. She is not safe to be left alone as she is highly accident prone. She either dozes off with something left to cook on the stove, resulting in the kitchen going up in smoke or she is found doing some acrobatics with the smoothness of the floored tiles in the house. So, if I have to go anywhere to meet my friends I have to tag her along with me.

But, she is great company for a lively conversation or a good debate on politics. Given any hot topic, she can keep anyone enraptured for eternity. She misses my brother a lot. It is at this time that I assure her that I am there to support her emotionally and solve her never-ending problems.

There are times when she has weird dreams of thieves and getting lost in some unknown island. One dream that she is a victim of, often is of a thief grappling her neck k for her gold chain. In the stillness of the dark eerie night when I am deeply immersed with a thriller novel, I hear a mind b lowing scream," EEEE……AAAH…!" For a moment, I suspect the character in my novel coming to life, but on close observation I find that it is my mom in her sub-conscious state, wailing away to glory.

When I wake her to find what happened that is another melodrama in store for me. With a jolt she is off the bed in a fit, "Who, Where, What is the noise about?" Then she stops short and in a mournful voice says, "That thief…" I begin to wonder if mom has a date with some thief in her dreams. Poor Mom!

Whatever the ups and downs in life I have been facing in looking after her and the heavy pressures I have been going through, I must say that her presence in the family does contribute greatly to the environment thus enriching the essence and spirit of existence. Most of the time I have noticed that she never airs her problems for fear of getting hurt. On close scrutiny, I find that she has the fear of being insecure or that she might be banished to some old-age home.

I regret such a thought ever coming to anyone's head. I find that totally inhumane. Our parents, right from the moment we have come into this world, have sacrificed so much for us in their life-span, nurtured us with the very best things that life has to offer, spent so many sleepless nights only to fulfill our aspirations and give us the comforts. Isn't it but humane to return that same gratitude now that they are old, feeble and helpless?

There are times when I go out for errands without her company and end up coming home much later than expected. I am quick to notice the distraught look on her face that says, "Where have you been so long?" Loneliness is indeed very unsettling for her. Innumerable times she has voiced her appreciation to me just for being there when she needs me the most. Times when her near and dear ones have refused to help her in any way. She is the happiest and at peace when I am at home.