Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry her with these facts as well.....
Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are; who is earning almost as much as you do;
One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have, Because she is as human as you are;
One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your sisters haven't, as she
was busy in her studies and competing in a system that gives no special concessions to girls
for their culinary achievements.
One, who has lived and loved her parents and brothers and sisters,
almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;
One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that,
her home, people who love her, to adopt your home,
your family, your ways and even your family name;
One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day One,
while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen;
One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even is she is tired as you are, may be more, and yet never ever expected to complain, to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you do;
One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;
Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply Because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise.
One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;
One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important, relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her sometime and trust her;
One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.
BUT, not many people understand this...
Please appreciate "HER." I hope you will do...
Respect her.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
If I could put the clock back.......
Of all the joys that can brighten the suffering earth, what joy is welcomed like a new-born child? When I look back on my childhood I cannot help smiling and remember the good times we had. I remember my father singing along with the harmonium, all his favourite K.L.Saigal songs and my uncles would also join him soon after dinner. The song session would go on till late at night and the womenfolk of the house would sometimes join with them, serving them cups of tea. This would mostly occur during the week-ends. Sometimes it would take the rounds on Antakshari and we children would prompt our team just because we wanted to win, even if it was for fun.
Dad's favourite song was,"Soja Rajkumari, Sojaa... sung by K.L.Saigal and I would eventually go into a deep slumber. Singing was a passion in our family. I do miss Mumbai a lot. That was one place where I really enjoyed my freedom. We often had family picnics where we could go for long drives, without the fear of any terrorist attacking us or even the fear of getting mugged like it is today, anywhere in India. I do miss the beautiful evenings in the rain getting drenched in the famous Juhu Beach, and at the same time eating Bhel puri, or Vada-Paav and then ending it with coconut water.
As a child we enjoyed domestic happiness and bliss in our homes. It was my mother who took great pains to keep all of us happy, even though we had our ups and downs in our day-to-day lives. "A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home." A person is the happiest, be he a monarch or a simple peasant, who can find peace in his home. My mother would keep reminding us about the essentials for keeping the home warm and loving, which she terms it as six components that are requisite to create a "Happy Home." Integrity must be the architect, and tidiness the upholsterer. The warmth should come from affection, which can be lighted up with cheerfulness; and members in the family must be the ventilator, renewing the atmosphere and bringing in fresh salubrity day by day; while over all, as a protecting canopy and glory, nothing will suffice except the blessings of God.
I slowly graduated into maidenhood. I remember all of us being a set of blushing beauties of a modest maid. I was a child no more; a maiden now; a graceful maiden, with a gentle brow, and a cheek tinged lightly, and a dove-like eye; and I could feel all the hearts blessing me, as I passed by. I was a bit more on the reserved side. Yet, in school we were academically head-strong and serious about what we wanted in our studies. Once the school time was over we were back to our usual pranks. I would keep humming the song from"Boot Polish - Nanne Munne bacche tere mutti mein kya hai", on my way back from school and it was a
chorus from my peers.
I miss my youth a lot. Compared to today's world, I find that children of this generation hardly have anytime to spend their childhood without racing. They hardly have any free time as there is so much of competition all around us. I believe that if a young man is loose in his principles and habits; if he lives without plan and without any object in life, spending his time in idleness and pleasure, there is more hope of a fool than of him. Every period of life has its peculiar temptations and dangers. But youth is the time when we are the most likely to be ensnared. This, pre-eminently, is the forming, fixing period, the spring season of disposition and
habit; and it is during this season, more than any other, that the character assumes its permanent shape and color, and the young are wont to take their course for time and for eternity.
I love the acquaintance of young people because, in the first place, I do not like to think myself growing old. In the second place, young acquaintances must last longest, if they do last; and then the young ones always have more virtue than the older folks; they have more generous sentiments in every respect. What could be more charming than a young boy before he has begun to cultivate his intellect? He is good to look at; he gives himself no airs; he understands the meaning of art and literature instinctively; he goes about enjoying his life and making other people also enjoy theirs.
True liberty consists only in the power of doing what we ought to will, and in not being constrained to do what we ought not to will. In my consideration, Personal liberty is the paramount essential to human dignity and human happiness. There is so much good in the worst of all of us, and so much bad in the best of us, that it becomes necessary for all of us not to talk about the rest of us.
In today's youth I find that eighty per cent of our criminals come from unsympathetic homes. It is indeed a sad thing to say.
Dad's favourite song was,"Soja Rajkumari, Sojaa... sung by K.L.Saigal and I would eventually go into a deep slumber. Singing was a passion in our family. I do miss Mumbai a lot. That was one place where I really enjoyed my freedom. We often had family picnics where we could go for long drives, without the fear of any terrorist attacking us or even the fear of getting mugged like it is today, anywhere in India. I do miss the beautiful evenings in the rain getting drenched in the famous Juhu Beach, and at the same time eating Bhel puri, or Vada-Paav and then ending it with coconut water.
As a child we enjoyed domestic happiness and bliss in our homes. It was my mother who took great pains to keep all of us happy, even though we had our ups and downs in our day-to-day lives. "A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home." A person is the happiest, be he a monarch or a simple peasant, who can find peace in his home. My mother would keep reminding us about the essentials for keeping the home warm and loving, which she terms it as six components that are requisite to create a "Happy Home." Integrity must be the architect, and tidiness the upholsterer. The warmth should come from affection, which can be lighted up with cheerfulness; and members in the family must be the ventilator, renewing the atmosphere and bringing in fresh salubrity day by day; while over all, as a protecting canopy and glory, nothing will suffice except the blessings of God.
I slowly graduated into maidenhood. I remember all of us being a set of blushing beauties of a modest maid. I was a child no more; a maiden now; a graceful maiden, with a gentle brow, and a cheek tinged lightly, and a dove-like eye; and I could feel all the hearts blessing me, as I passed by. I was a bit more on the reserved side. Yet, in school we were academically head-strong and serious about what we wanted in our studies. Once the school time was over we were back to our usual pranks. I would keep humming the song from"Boot Polish - Nanne Munne bacche tere mutti mein kya hai", on my way back from school and it was a
chorus from my peers.
I miss my youth a lot. Compared to today's world, I find that children of this generation hardly have anytime to spend their childhood without racing. They hardly have any free time as there is so much of competition all around us. I believe that if a young man is loose in his principles and habits; if he lives without plan and without any object in life, spending his time in idleness and pleasure, there is more hope of a fool than of him. Every period of life has its peculiar temptations and dangers. But youth is the time when we are the most likely to be ensnared. This, pre-eminently, is the forming, fixing period, the spring season of disposition and
habit; and it is during this season, more than any other, that the character assumes its permanent shape and color, and the young are wont to take their course for time and for eternity.
I love the acquaintance of young people because, in the first place, I do not like to think myself growing old. In the second place, young acquaintances must last longest, if they do last; and then the young ones always have more virtue than the older folks; they have more generous sentiments in every respect. What could be more charming than a young boy before he has begun to cultivate his intellect? He is good to look at; he gives himself no airs; he understands the meaning of art and literature instinctively; he goes about enjoying his life and making other people also enjoy theirs.
True liberty consists only in the power of doing what we ought to will, and in not being constrained to do what we ought not to will. In my consideration, Personal liberty is the paramount essential to human dignity and human happiness. There is so much good in the worst of all of us, and so much bad in the best of us, that it becomes necessary for all of us not to talk about the rest of us.
In today's youth I find that eighty per cent of our criminals come from unsympathetic homes. It is indeed a sad thing to say.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Education Abroad
This is an Article that has come from the Editor's Choice in You The Journalist.
The article was written by Mr. Sriram Rao. A few of the paras were given comments by me which I want you readers to justify.
Many people are obsessed with studying abroad even today. This was perhaps a meaningful objective about 20 years ago, but today it is foolish!
............ Agreed in today's world people do a lot of foolish things. Your statement can be forwarded to most of the Industrialists in India today, who are crazy about sending their children soon after the 10th standard. I have found that these very same people make headline statements in the leading newspapers saying that the common man of India has no sense of Patriotism for their country. They preach that they are against any children going abroad for higher studies when "there are so many good schools in India. Our teaching system is excellent compared to those abroad". That is how they make frontline statements. Now I would like to know why are their children going in for higher studies abroad? Is it for prestige value that their children are "Foreign returned" or is it because it fetches a higher value in the matrimonial market or is it just sheer aristocracy?
Take the case recently when a few Politicians from the Karnataka State have gone on a tour to china. Why because they wanted to learn the system in places like China, Singapore etc etc. Have they learnt anything good? Believe me when I say, to them it was nothing but a picnic! At whose cost? Was it necessary to send the entire battalion for the trip? Who is going to answer this to the common man? We pay income taxes through our nose. One day's delay in paying the income tax, and we have someone knocking on our doors with a fine slapped on our faces.
My son applied for a master's course in the UK. He got a joining letter from five universities. But I persuaded him not to join. He has now finished the course in India at one tenth the cost and has been offered a good job.
........................ Good! I am glad for your son. But don't you think he should have verified the total cost in the first place before rejecting the same? Yes, I do agree that the cost of education is very high. They go by their International standards and the cost and standard of living as per their country. Once again, congratulations to your son!
Some of his friends however went to the UK. They spent something like Rs. 25 lakhs with parents selling plots of land, borrowing from relatives abroad and so on in addition to the bank loan of about Rs.15 lakhs.
...................I am sorry I am not aware IF any financial aid is being given to students studying in U.K. Most educational Institutions abroad do offer financial aid (Tuition Grants or Bursaries)on condition that they return the loan soon after they graduate and start working and within the time period that they are given.
The students expected to get jobs in the UK immediately after the course but did not get any. They had the bank loan repayments hanging on their heads and did not know what to do. Some of them came back but
could not land any job in India. Some of them have taken up BPO jobs and are working late nights. Others are still without jobs. A few are still hanging around in UK living with relatives and trying for a job.
........................The reason here I feel about those trying for jobs in U.K. is mainly because of the good salary that is offered there in pounds. So, at any cost they do not mind waiting for a good job. Sir, without any mis-understanding, I would like to ask," will our country pay the same salary that is offered abroad?" I remember how much our parents struggled to make two ends meet to give us good education, even, one meal a day. Does our government think of all this? You ask the common man walking on the street and he will say, "Here only the rich are getting richer, while the poor are getting poorer. What about the middle-class category? They are left high and dry. Why? Who is going to stop the corruption that is spreading like plague? Don't you agree that everyone wants a good life? The question is when? We have only one life to live. In the next birth I am not sure if we will be given another chance to be born as humans.
Readers, in my opinion, please do not get me wrong. India is a country where every common man can prosper. This is possible only if there is no interference from the corrupt class of people, including the politicians.
Yes, in my view there is a widespread belief that the quality of education abroad is most certainly high in specialized fields, and I mean specialized subjects which a country like India is not having the faculty that is really trained and specialized. It will take a long time for a country like India to improve in every field. This point is mis-understood by many and I am really sorry to say that. Truth is always bitter and it is more bitter to swallow that pill.
If the common man wants to study a specialized subject he has to bear the sufferings as well. He is been given the answer (after paying- a- heavy- one time full fees) that the required faculty is not available for that subject. Now can anyone answer that? And our politicians talk about having every infrastructure for good education!
I would like to quote what our great leader Mahatma says:
"Recall the face of the poorest
and the weakest man,
and ask yourself, if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to him".
Let this be remembered by one and all in this world.
The article was written by Mr. Sriram Rao. A few of the paras were given comments by me which I want you readers to justify.
Many people are obsessed with studying abroad even today. This was perhaps a meaningful objective about 20 years ago, but today it is foolish!
............ Agreed in today's world people do a lot of foolish things. Your statement can be forwarded to most of the Industrialists in India today, who are crazy about sending their children soon after the 10th standard. I have found that these very same people make headline statements in the leading newspapers saying that the common man of India has no sense of Patriotism for their country. They preach that they are against any children going abroad for higher studies when "there are so many good schools in India. Our teaching system is excellent compared to those abroad". That is how they make frontline statements. Now I would like to know why are their children going in for higher studies abroad? Is it for prestige value that their children are "Foreign returned" or is it because it fetches a higher value in the matrimonial market or is it just sheer aristocracy?
Take the case recently when a few Politicians from the Karnataka State have gone on a tour to china. Why because they wanted to learn the system in places like China, Singapore etc etc. Have they learnt anything good? Believe me when I say, to them it was nothing but a picnic! At whose cost? Was it necessary to send the entire battalion for the trip? Who is going to answer this to the common man? We pay income taxes through our nose. One day's delay in paying the income tax, and we have someone knocking on our doors with a fine slapped on our faces.
My son applied for a master's course in the UK. He got a joining letter from five universities. But I persuaded him not to join. He has now finished the course in India at one tenth the cost and has been offered a good job.
........................ Good! I am glad for your son. But don't you think he should have verified the total cost in the first place before rejecting the same? Yes, I do agree that the cost of education is very high. They go by their International standards and the cost and standard of living as per their country. Once again, congratulations to your son!
Some of his friends however went to the UK. They spent something like Rs. 25 lakhs with parents selling plots of land, borrowing from relatives abroad and so on in addition to the bank loan of about Rs.15 lakhs.
...................I am sorry I am not aware IF any financial aid is being given to students studying in U.K. Most educational Institutions abroad do offer financial aid (Tuition Grants or Bursaries)on condition that they return the loan soon after they graduate and start working and within the time period that they are given.
The students expected to get jobs in the UK immediately after the course but did not get any. They had the bank loan repayments hanging on their heads and did not know what to do. Some of them came back but
could not land any job in India. Some of them have taken up BPO jobs and are working late nights. Others are still without jobs. A few are still hanging around in UK living with relatives and trying for a job.
........................The reason here I feel about those trying for jobs in U.K. is mainly because of the good salary that is offered there in pounds. So, at any cost they do not mind waiting for a good job. Sir, without any mis-understanding, I would like to ask," will our country pay the same salary that is offered abroad?" I remember how much our parents struggled to make two ends meet to give us good education, even, one meal a day. Does our government think of all this? You ask the common man walking on the street and he will say, "Here only the rich are getting richer, while the poor are getting poorer. What about the middle-class category? They are left high and dry. Why? Who is going to stop the corruption that is spreading like plague? Don't you agree that everyone wants a good life? The question is when? We have only one life to live. In the next birth I am not sure if we will be given another chance to be born as humans.
Readers, in my opinion, please do not get me wrong. India is a country where every common man can prosper. This is possible only if there is no interference from the corrupt class of people, including the politicians.
Yes, in my view there is a widespread belief that the quality of education abroad is most certainly high in specialized fields, and I mean specialized subjects which a country like India is not having the faculty that is really trained and specialized. It will take a long time for a country like India to improve in every field. This point is mis-understood by many and I am really sorry to say that. Truth is always bitter and it is more bitter to swallow that pill.
If the common man wants to study a specialized subject he has to bear the sufferings as well. He is been given the answer (after paying- a- heavy- one time full fees) that the required faculty is not available for that subject. Now can anyone answer that? And our politicians talk about having every infrastructure for good education!
I would like to quote what our great leader Mahatma says:
"Recall the face of the poorest
and the weakest man,
and ask yourself, if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to him".
Let this be remembered by one and all in this world.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
The Quest for Happiness
Happiness is not in how much we have, but in how much we enjoy in what we have at the present moment. It all depends on the manner in which we meet the daily events occurring in our lives. The quest for happiness is incessant. Happiness in reality comes from peace of mind and this in fact comes from self-discipline. A daily effort from each individual should not be difficult as, gradually one gets habituated to it.
One must be determined to be happy. Come what may, one must see to it that negative thinking is avoided as it totally retards the progress of any individual. By setting a goal in life, and thinking positively about achieving it, one can certainly reach it to attain happiness. Today we all are facing a competitive and a fast moving world. Most people face a common problem today. They get distressed about what they do not have, rather than trying to be happy about what they do have. No person is either so happy or so unhappy as he can imagine.
The quest for happiness lies in keeping our mind occupied. All crestfallen and depressed thoughts have a great forte of encroaching the vacuum of a vacant mind. The best option for an individual is to keep himself occupied with good creative thoughts. This can be achieved by cultivating an interest in a wide variety of subjects. These can keep one very busy and thus block the way for those thoughts that can rip off one's mental peace and eqilibrium.
Man counts happiness in various dimensions; and the faster he follows it the swifter it flies from him. The fact is that everything promises happiness to us at a distance, but when we come nearer, either we fall short of it or it falls short of our expectations; and it becomes difficult to say which of these is the greatest disappointment. Our hopes are usually bigger than the enjoyment can satisfy.
Laughter is synonymous with happiness. One must learn to laugh from the heart, or sometimes even at themselves for the blunder that they do in their life, as that makes one feel light and fresh. When one begins to see the humorous side of their problems in their day-to-day life, then there is nothing that can depress them.
As SENECA truly quoted,"The true felicity of life is to be free from anxieties and perturbations; to understand and do our duties to God and man, and to enjoy the present without any serious dependence on the future".
One must be determined to be happy. Come what may, one must see to it that negative thinking is avoided as it totally retards the progress of any individual. By setting a goal in life, and thinking positively about achieving it, one can certainly reach it to attain happiness. Today we all are facing a competitive and a fast moving world. Most people face a common problem today. They get distressed about what they do not have, rather than trying to be happy about what they do have. No person is either so happy or so unhappy as he can imagine.
The quest for happiness lies in keeping our mind occupied. All crestfallen and depressed thoughts have a great forte of encroaching the vacuum of a vacant mind. The best option for an individual is to keep himself occupied with good creative thoughts. This can be achieved by cultivating an interest in a wide variety of subjects. These can keep one very busy and thus block the way for those thoughts that can rip off one's mental peace and eqilibrium.
Man counts happiness in various dimensions; and the faster he follows it the swifter it flies from him. The fact is that everything promises happiness to us at a distance, but when we come nearer, either we fall short of it or it falls short of our expectations; and it becomes difficult to say which of these is the greatest disappointment. Our hopes are usually bigger than the enjoyment can satisfy.
Laughter is synonymous with happiness. One must learn to laugh from the heart, or sometimes even at themselves for the blunder that they do in their life, as that makes one feel light and fresh. When one begins to see the humorous side of their problems in their day-to-day life, then there is nothing that can depress them.
As SENECA truly quoted,"The true felicity of life is to be free from anxieties and perturbations; to understand and do our duties to God and man, and to enjoy the present without any serious dependence on the future".
Sunday, November 1, 2009
The Criteria of Religion in Marriage
One evening as I sat with my friends discussing on the women in India, of today and that of the medieval period, we started with a new topic of discussion that was going around. This was the topic of 'Honor killing' and that has prompted me to write and share my views on this subject. I hope I am able to put my understanding across to you, my dear friends.
As quoted by F.W. Robertson- "Marriage is not a union merely between two creatures - it is a union between two spirits; and the intention of that bond is to perfect the nature of both, by supplementing their deficiencies with the force of contrast, giving to each sex those excellencies in which it is naturally deficient; to the one, strength of character and firmness of moral will; to the other, sympathy, meekness, tenderness; and just so solemn and glorious as these ends are for which the union was intended, just so terrible are the consequences if it be perverted and abused; for there is no earthly relationship which has so much power to ennoble and to exalt. There are two rocks, in this world of ours, on which the soul must either anchor or be wrecked - the one is GOD, and the other is the sex opposite."
In today's fast moving world, more and more people are marrying into different faiths and religions. A major difficulty these young couples can face is lack of acceptance by their parents and their family. Many times I have seen that the parents' negative reaction is so strong that they forcibly disown their offspring. They even refuse to speak on any matter that relates to their union, which then becomes a ban, an unresolvable problem that creates tremendous pain and hurt among all the members in the family. The parents' react to their child's marrying outside the family's traditional religion in drastic ways which is beyond any understanding for the common man.
My perspective in this regard is that parents should try to understand that if they truly love their child, then they naturally will love whomever he or she loves. That is what I consider love is. Love is unconditional and need not be taken away when a grown up son or daughter makes a major decision in life with which the parents disagree. Again, family problems need to be talked about and amicably resolved in a healthy atmosphere, rather than just throwing it out to the winds.
Couples can help prevent such unacceptance by not rushing into marriage. Let them have a long courtship period, wherein they get to understand each other perfectly, their likes and dislikes, their drawbacks, and their temper tantrums. At the same time, they must give their parents time to adjust and ample opportunities to get to know their prospective spouses and his or her parents. When two people have chosen each other out of all the species in mankind, with the firm decison to be there for each other at all times in life's humdrum, have bound themselves to be good-humored, affable,discreet, ever-forgiving, patient to each other's needs and understandings, and joyful, with respect to each other's frailities and perfections, for the rest of their lives.
Couples should use reason and avoid emotion when discussing the proposed marriage. Parents are often impressed to see their off-springs becoming a better, more mature person. So, it is the primary duty of the couples to show their parents through actions that the relationship with their spouses-to-be makes them a more responsible adult, more aware of their duties, obligations in life and better at fulfilling them.
Philosopher, historian, Thomas De Quincey defined marriage as "a union between two persons, who lived in harmony so absolute with each other, as to be independent of the world outside." I have come across marriages of inter-faith where both spouses keep their own separate religions, sharing holidays and the traditions that go with them. They respect their spouse's religious and spiritual beliefs and learn to appreciate the differences and the beauty in both the religions. Their children are also learning about the differences and also the similarities of their beliefs. They may have different belief systems, yet they are united in their philosophy about religion. I consider that religion is a very personal issue. No matter how we have been raised, we have chosen our faiths through our education, our beliefs and ultimately our personal faith.
Problems are certainly going to arise when one's philosophy does not allow him or her to respect another person's beliefs. This is their personal choice. This will definitely give rise to a conflict in marriage. I feel that in an inter-faith marriage, couples can derive immense strength in their marriage when they study the scriptures of the holy book together. This brings them much closer and also helps in bonding and stimulating a good conversation. When couples fight, it is wrong to vent their frustrations by using religion to prove their spouse's wrong. To prove they are religious, can they not prove this through their actions instead of words? The children should also be taught to respect and be tolerant to all the religions. When GOD himself has no qualms about religions or the manner in which mankind prays to him why are we stressing on the futile point of religion? Is he not blessing each one of us with our prayers to him?
Yes, I have seen parents complain that they have sacrificed all their life immensely to bring up their children in the right way with moral values and ethics, so when their children announce their intention of marrying outside their faith, the first reaction is, "Where have I gone wrong? " Their children's decision is taken as a rejection of their values and a total lack of appreciation for all that they did.. This is understandable. But, I feel the parents are not being rejected, it may be the beginning of a bright new chapter in future. Marriage does not mean cutting off the roots of the family tree or the family bonding from either side. Marriage does not mean tearing any family to shreds only for the selfish purpose of the two couples getting married to remain happy.
As Bulwer said," To be happy you must forget yourself. Learn Benevolence; it is the only cure of a morbid temper."
As quoted by F.W. Robertson- "Marriage is not a union merely between two creatures - it is a union between two spirits; and the intention of that bond is to perfect the nature of both, by supplementing their deficiencies with the force of contrast, giving to each sex those excellencies in which it is naturally deficient; to the one, strength of character and firmness of moral will; to the other, sympathy, meekness, tenderness; and just so solemn and glorious as these ends are for which the union was intended, just so terrible are the consequences if it be perverted and abused; for there is no earthly relationship which has so much power to ennoble and to exalt. There are two rocks, in this world of ours, on which the soul must either anchor or be wrecked - the one is GOD, and the other is the sex opposite."
In today's fast moving world, more and more people are marrying into different faiths and religions. A major difficulty these young couples can face is lack of acceptance by their parents and their family. Many times I have seen that the parents' negative reaction is so strong that they forcibly disown their offspring. They even refuse to speak on any matter that relates to their union, which then becomes a ban, an unresolvable problem that creates tremendous pain and hurt among all the members in the family. The parents' react to their child's marrying outside the family's traditional religion in drastic ways which is beyond any understanding for the common man.
My perspective in this regard is that parents should try to understand that if they truly love their child, then they naturally will love whomever he or she loves. That is what I consider love is. Love is unconditional and need not be taken away when a grown up son or daughter makes a major decision in life with which the parents disagree. Again, family problems need to be talked about and amicably resolved in a healthy atmosphere, rather than just throwing it out to the winds.
Couples can help prevent such unacceptance by not rushing into marriage. Let them have a long courtship period, wherein they get to understand each other perfectly, their likes and dislikes, their drawbacks, and their temper tantrums. At the same time, they must give their parents time to adjust and ample opportunities to get to know their prospective spouses and his or her parents. When two people have chosen each other out of all the species in mankind, with the firm decison to be there for each other at all times in life's humdrum, have bound themselves to be good-humored, affable,discreet, ever-forgiving, patient to each other's needs and understandings, and joyful, with respect to each other's frailities and perfections, for the rest of their lives.
Couples should use reason and avoid emotion when discussing the proposed marriage. Parents are often impressed to see their off-springs becoming a better, more mature person. So, it is the primary duty of the couples to show their parents through actions that the relationship with their spouses-to-be makes them a more responsible adult, more aware of their duties, obligations in life and better at fulfilling them.
Philosopher, historian, Thomas De Quincey defined marriage as "a union between two persons, who lived in harmony so absolute with each other, as to be independent of the world outside." I have come across marriages of inter-faith where both spouses keep their own separate religions, sharing holidays and the traditions that go with them. They respect their spouse's religious and spiritual beliefs and learn to appreciate the differences and the beauty in both the religions. Their children are also learning about the differences and also the similarities of their beliefs. They may have different belief systems, yet they are united in their philosophy about religion. I consider that religion is a very personal issue. No matter how we have been raised, we have chosen our faiths through our education, our beliefs and ultimately our personal faith.
Problems are certainly going to arise when one's philosophy does not allow him or her to respect another person's beliefs. This is their personal choice. This will definitely give rise to a conflict in marriage. I feel that in an inter-faith marriage, couples can derive immense strength in their marriage when they study the scriptures of the holy book together. This brings them much closer and also helps in bonding and stimulating a good conversation. When couples fight, it is wrong to vent their frustrations by using religion to prove their spouse's wrong. To prove they are religious, can they not prove this through their actions instead of words? The children should also be taught to respect and be tolerant to all the religions. When GOD himself has no qualms about religions or the manner in which mankind prays to him why are we stressing on the futile point of religion? Is he not blessing each one of us with our prayers to him?
Yes, I have seen parents complain that they have sacrificed all their life immensely to bring up their children in the right way with moral values and ethics, so when their children announce their intention of marrying outside their faith, the first reaction is, "Where have I gone wrong? " Their children's decision is taken as a rejection of their values and a total lack of appreciation for all that they did.. This is understandable. But, I feel the parents are not being rejected, it may be the beginning of a bright new chapter in future. Marriage does not mean cutting off the roots of the family tree or the family bonding from either side. Marriage does not mean tearing any family to shreds only for the selfish purpose of the two couples getting married to remain happy.
As Bulwer said," To be happy you must forget yourself. Learn Benevolence; it is the only cure of a morbid temper."
Saturday, April 18, 2009
My belief in the Super Natural
THE DAY I BEGAN BELIEVING IN THE SUPERNATURAL
As far as I can remember, right from my childhood, I was a bit on the courageous side. Even in school, when my friends would talk about a house being haunted I would gently nudge them and say, "There is no such thing as Ghosts or the supernatural." I would keep assuring them that it was their psychology that was working or that their imagination was running wild. Until the day my mom wanted to take me to my Uncle's house in South Karnataka, for the summer holidays. I was too excited about going there as I had a strange fascination for that house, being on top of the hill with a good view of the entire town below and thick forests all around.
Since dad was too busy with his job, both mom and I decided to go on our own. Things began taking a strange turn right from the word "Start'. As we got into the bus, on hearing of our destination, the driver of the bus and the Ticket collector shared an eerie glance at each other. I, being the usual "Mata Haari" asked them if anything was wrong. They said," No, but that place, are you really sure you want to go there?" Sure, I had made up my mind and that was final. So, he dropped us mid-way on the hill and directed us to reach my uncle's place. All along we were
chugging our luggage and enjoying the beauty of the place. By now it was slowly turning to dusk. We trudged along and finally reached the house. Knocking on the huge doors, we were welcomed by my aunt who ushered us in. After the usual chat and a quick dinner, I excused myself to hit the bed early. As I turned in, I felt I was being watched. Thinking it was my imagination, as I was too tired, I turned on my side trying to get some sleep. Half way through my sleep, I felt someone brushing my hair, in a caressing manner. Me and my guts! I turned to see who it was and found that the window was open. I remember shutting it well. Who could have opened it? I got up to close the window. I managed to get some sleep.
When I woke up, my mom said she was going to the nearby temple with my aunt, so if I wished I could sleep a bit longer and have a leisurely bath. That sounded great. This was just for a short while as my cousin came in asking me to come and have agood view of the lake near the house. We had a light breakfast and then a quick bath. My cousin usually gets the clothes washed at the lake, so she said," C'mon, as we wash the clothes we can catch up on all the talking." I agreed to this. By now it was around noon. With the basket of clothes we followed the narrow path towards the lake. I enjoyed the chirping of the birds, something I never get in the city, the cool summer breeze and the lively chatter from my cousin. On reaching the lake, as I laid the basket of clothes on the hard rock, I got a glimpse of the lake. It was marshy, and something kept telling me there is something fishy going on here. The lake was as good as telling me,"Go back, You are not wanted here." I turned to my cousin to tell her what I felt and the next minute found her saying, "Hey, I forgot the soap. Could you just wait here, until I fetch the soap?" Not
realizing what was in store for me, I replied, "Sure, but do make it fast. This heat is unbearable". I was left all alone near the lake. Nothing happened for the first few moments. I t was then that I heard the dry twigs crackling, the sound that you get when someone is stealthily coming closer to you. I turned around to ask, " Yes, is someone here?" No answer coming, I got up, looked all around me, and then called out to my cousin, "Usha, are you back as yet?" Again no reply.
Now I decided to retrace my steps back to the house, wondering what's taking her so long. I began walking when I felt that someone was just a few inches behind me and the deep breath that one takes. I slowly hastened my steps, the steps behind me also began hastening, still a little faster steps I took, again the speed of the one behind me hastened. I started running, my long hair giving way and then all along I began screaming, "Mummy, where are you, there is someone behind me." My cousin who was standing on the steps of the house, saw me in tears and shouted, "Run straight to the Prayer room, don't turn back, for god's sake". I just gate-crashed to the room and fell down crying at the altar. I do not know how long I sat there. It was my aunt who had just come back from the temple, who shook me and assured me not to get worried. I asked her, "What was that?" She replied that she would tell us when we relaxed.
It was now the turn of my mom who had just turned in from the temple. Being a hot and a sultry climate, she decided to have a bath. The bathroom was the old thatched type where the cows were also resting next to the make-shift bathroom. My mom had just got ready when there was a loud mooing from the cows. My mom in her usual pratter, asked, "Yes, what's wrong?" She then noticed that the cow was speaking through her eyes and focussing her sight to someone standing behind mom. Seeing no one, mom thought she was imagining. By now the cow started began beating her hoofs on the ground with a loud thud. Mom decided not to have her bath, just a quick wash. What happened next is something to be seen to be believed. The cow did jump pretty high, trying to save mom, (my mom was already on the ground with a loud thud), and ran with her tail high as if chasing somebody to butt the thing with its horns.
We thought this was too much for one day. We urged our uncle and aunt to spill the beans. It was then revealed that a young man, around 26-27 years was murdered by his mother and her paramour and then his body was dumped in the lake, several years back. Since that day, though the body was fished out, the ghost keeps haunting every one in that house. I decided we leave that very day back to our home in the city. My experience has indeed brought me to believe that there is something called Paranormal beings and if that spirit is not given the chance to pass over we are bound to be victims of such situations.
I wish the stars of the super-hit serial, "Super Naturals" read this. They surely ought to visit this place, but I am not sure if it still exists as the last I heard was that the place has been converted into some oil factory. God help the poor soul!
As far as I can remember, right from my childhood, I was a bit on the courageous side. Even in school, when my friends would talk about a house being haunted I would gently nudge them and say, "There is no such thing as Ghosts or the supernatural." I would keep assuring them that it was their psychology that was working or that their imagination was running wild. Until the day my mom wanted to take me to my Uncle's house in South Karnataka, for the summer holidays. I was too excited about going there as I had a strange fascination for that house, being on top of the hill with a good view of the entire town below and thick forests all around.
Since dad was too busy with his job, both mom and I decided to go on our own. Things began taking a strange turn right from the word "Start'. As we got into the bus, on hearing of our destination, the driver of the bus and the Ticket collector shared an eerie glance at each other. I, being the usual "Mata Haari" asked them if anything was wrong. They said," No, but that place, are you really sure you want to go there?" Sure, I had made up my mind and that was final. So, he dropped us mid-way on the hill and directed us to reach my uncle's place. All along we were
chugging our luggage and enjoying the beauty of the place. By now it was slowly turning to dusk. We trudged along and finally reached the house. Knocking on the huge doors, we were welcomed by my aunt who ushered us in. After the usual chat and a quick dinner, I excused myself to hit the bed early. As I turned in, I felt I was being watched. Thinking it was my imagination, as I was too tired, I turned on my side trying to get some sleep. Half way through my sleep, I felt someone brushing my hair, in a caressing manner. Me and my guts! I turned to see who it was and found that the window was open. I remember shutting it well. Who could have opened it? I got up to close the window. I managed to get some sleep.
When I woke up, my mom said she was going to the nearby temple with my aunt, so if I wished I could sleep a bit longer and have a leisurely bath. That sounded great. This was just for a short while as my cousin came in asking me to come and have agood view of the lake near the house. We had a light breakfast and then a quick bath. My cousin usually gets the clothes washed at the lake, so she said," C'mon, as we wash the clothes we can catch up on all the talking." I agreed to this. By now it was around noon. With the basket of clothes we followed the narrow path towards the lake. I enjoyed the chirping of the birds, something I never get in the city, the cool summer breeze and the lively chatter from my cousin. On reaching the lake, as I laid the basket of clothes on the hard rock, I got a glimpse of the lake. It was marshy, and something kept telling me there is something fishy going on here. The lake was as good as telling me,"Go back, You are not wanted here." I turned to my cousin to tell her what I felt and the next minute found her saying, "Hey, I forgot the soap. Could you just wait here, until I fetch the soap?" Not
realizing what was in store for me, I replied, "Sure, but do make it fast. This heat is unbearable". I was left all alone near the lake. Nothing happened for the first few moments. I t was then that I heard the dry twigs crackling, the sound that you get when someone is stealthily coming closer to you. I turned around to ask, " Yes, is someone here?" No answer coming, I got up, looked all around me, and then called out to my cousin, "Usha, are you back as yet?" Again no reply.
Now I decided to retrace my steps back to the house, wondering what's taking her so long. I began walking when I felt that someone was just a few inches behind me and the deep breath that one takes. I slowly hastened my steps, the steps behind me also began hastening, still a little faster steps I took, again the speed of the one behind me hastened. I started running, my long hair giving way and then all along I began screaming, "Mummy, where are you, there is someone behind me." My cousin who was standing on the steps of the house, saw me in tears and shouted, "Run straight to the Prayer room, don't turn back, for god's sake". I just gate-crashed to the room and fell down crying at the altar. I do not know how long I sat there. It was my aunt who had just come back from the temple, who shook me and assured me not to get worried. I asked her, "What was that?" She replied that she would tell us when we relaxed.
It was now the turn of my mom who had just turned in from the temple. Being a hot and a sultry climate, she decided to have a bath. The bathroom was the old thatched type where the cows were also resting next to the make-shift bathroom. My mom had just got ready when there was a loud mooing from the cows. My mom in her usual pratter, asked, "Yes, what's wrong?" She then noticed that the cow was speaking through her eyes and focussing her sight to someone standing behind mom. Seeing no one, mom thought she was imagining. By now the cow started began beating her hoofs on the ground with a loud thud. Mom decided not to have her bath, just a quick wash. What happened next is something to be seen to be believed. The cow did jump pretty high, trying to save mom, (my mom was already on the ground with a loud thud), and ran with her tail high as if chasing somebody to butt the thing with its horns.
We thought this was too much for one day. We urged our uncle and aunt to spill the beans. It was then revealed that a young man, around 26-27 years was murdered by his mother and her paramour and then his body was dumped in the lake, several years back. Since that day, though the body was fished out, the ghost keeps haunting every one in that house. I decided we leave that very day back to our home in the city. My experience has indeed brought me to believe that there is something called Paranormal beings and if that spirit is not given the chance to pass over we are bound to be victims of such situations.
I wish the stars of the super-hit serial, "Super Naturals" read this. They surely ought to visit this place, but I am not sure if it still exists as the last I heard was that the place has been converted into some oil factory. God help the poor soul!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
India - "The Land of Senas"
Crimes against women are steadily rising. There was a recent attack on women in a Mangalore pub on 24th January 2009. The founder of The Sri Rama Sena, who claims to be the "Custodians of Indian Culture", says there is no need to raise a hue and cry about the attack on women.
The women's fault was that they were found in the pub in the company of their women friends. They were five in number against a pack of wild wolves who were forty in number. They literally barged into the pub and began targetting the innocent women, pulling their hair, skirts and jeans, forcibly making them sit on chairs and slapping them no end, when they tried to escape. They were humiliated no end and were called whores and prostitutes.
Let me begin by asking the readers, "Is culture only for the women folk in India? What culture do the menfolk have, when they abuse their wives in public, their old parents who have looked after them right from their infancy only to put them in old-age homes? Where is the culture when men get drunk beyond the point of saturation and drive recklessly only to kill innocent people on the roads, or rape the women as and when they can set their eyes on them? Why is the Center silent about all this?"
The situation is getting worse with each passing day. Intolerance is spreading at a rapid rate in our country. Hoodlums are attacking women violently in the name of religion. They have a warped sense of indian tradition, culture and ethos. Those men who attacked women in Mangalore, think that every woman walking down the street is his private property, their wife to teach them the essence of culture. These very same people hold the public to ransom and assault them as to their whims and fancies. It is tragic that our state and Central governments are ill-equipped and unwilling to crack down swiftly on these hoodlums. All the attacks have not been so far tracked and the perpetrators of violence are not brought to book till date and even if they are, they are left on bail, to continue their "Goondaism".
Recounting the trauma, one of the woman victims claimed that the Sri Ram Sena activists hurled abuses at them, asking them who gave them the right to wear skirts, Jeans? I should ask them, "Who gave them the right to wear pants? Let them come in loin cloth even to the work place, that is our Hindu Shastra, isn't it? These victims of violence felt the whole incident which occurred so fast in just a quarter of an hour, as very traumatising and none of the by-standers came forward to help them or even shield them when they were pushed, or jostled. The only young man who came to protect them was beaten black and blue. If these people talk about culture and calling women prostitutes, then even their wives are first-class prostitutes as per their logic. Isn't it?
Hooliganism is thriving in the name of "Indian Culture" in Mangalore - The land of so-called Shastras and Dharmas with Brahmins preaching to all and sundry when they themselves are totally confused about the rights and wrongs in the shastras. Every one claims he is a vidhwan in the vedas. God Help the gods!! Today there is a ban on women going to the pubs, wearing jeans, skirts, noodle straps etc, etc. Tomorrow, there will be a diktat for the married couples on how they should carry on their private life, by the so - called "Custodians of Culture". Most of the attackers in India are generally history-sheeters and such people should not be given bail. They should be treated as criminal molestors of women. Here, we have a clear case of the law not being applied to prevent crime as quoted by former top cop Kiran Bedi.
What is the state headquarters doing with such imbecile bullies? This is nothing but TALIBANISATION of India. As a woman, I feel it is a violation of our freedom. Nobody is given the right to assault any woman. Indian culture gives equal status to men and women. Who are these people to stop and dictate the women on the grounds of culture? Since when have these hoodlums become"Culture Police"? This is an obnoxious act that is definitely unpardonable. These perpetrators of violence on women are in no way custodians of either culture, religious or social mores. Ours is a diverse democracy and any indian citizen with a fair amount of intelligence and common sense will never tolerate such irrational behaviour.
And now the whole incident has come down to the level of threats and blackmail to the victims of the mentioned violence. The next program of the Sri Rama Sena is to target people on the upcoming Valentine's Day. The Proclamation of the chief of the Sri Rama Sena is that he has decided to arrange marriages between dating couples. For this, he has formed five teams who will roam around the city of Bangalore with a video camera and a turmeric stub in their hands. As and when he finds young couples dating, he will force them to wed on the spot. In that case, this man should be prosecuted for introducing "Polygamy" in our society. Going by the number of young people dating on theValentine's Day, we will have Mass marriages. This is one state in India that was once having a strong image of Peace and Tolerance and is NOW heading in a different direction leading to Hoodlums, molestors and perpetrators of violence on women in the lowest imaginable degree.
The day is not far when tourists will have an additional point in their itinerary, on their visit to India - " Incredible India" - India - "The Land of Senas": Rama Sena, Shiva Sena, Bhima Sena, Hanumantha Sena and last but not the least, "Goonda Sena".
The women's fault was that they were found in the pub in the company of their women friends. They were five in number against a pack of wild wolves who were forty in number. They literally barged into the pub and began targetting the innocent women, pulling their hair, skirts and jeans, forcibly making them sit on chairs and slapping them no end, when they tried to escape. They were humiliated no end and were called whores and prostitutes.
Let me begin by asking the readers, "Is culture only for the women folk in India? What culture do the menfolk have, when they abuse their wives in public, their old parents who have looked after them right from their infancy only to put them in old-age homes? Where is the culture when men get drunk beyond the point of saturation and drive recklessly only to kill innocent people on the roads, or rape the women as and when they can set their eyes on them? Why is the Center silent about all this?"
The situation is getting worse with each passing day. Intolerance is spreading at a rapid rate in our country. Hoodlums are attacking women violently in the name of religion. They have a warped sense of indian tradition, culture and ethos. Those men who attacked women in Mangalore, think that every woman walking down the street is his private property, their wife to teach them the essence of culture. These very same people hold the public to ransom and assault them as to their whims and fancies. It is tragic that our state and Central governments are ill-equipped and unwilling to crack down swiftly on these hoodlums. All the attacks have not been so far tracked and the perpetrators of violence are not brought to book till date and even if they are, they are left on bail, to continue their "Goondaism".
Recounting the trauma, one of the woman victims claimed that the Sri Ram Sena activists hurled abuses at them, asking them who gave them the right to wear skirts, Jeans? I should ask them, "Who gave them the right to wear pants? Let them come in loin cloth even to the work place, that is our Hindu Shastra, isn't it? These victims of violence felt the whole incident which occurred so fast in just a quarter of an hour, as very traumatising and none of the by-standers came forward to help them or even shield them when they were pushed, or jostled. The only young man who came to protect them was beaten black and blue. If these people talk about culture and calling women prostitutes, then even their wives are first-class prostitutes as per their logic. Isn't it?
Hooliganism is thriving in the name of "Indian Culture" in Mangalore - The land of so-called Shastras and Dharmas with Brahmins preaching to all and sundry when they themselves are totally confused about the rights and wrongs in the shastras. Every one claims he is a vidhwan in the vedas. God Help the gods!! Today there is a ban on women going to the pubs, wearing jeans, skirts, noodle straps etc, etc. Tomorrow, there will be a diktat for the married couples on how they should carry on their private life, by the so - called "Custodians of Culture". Most of the attackers in India are generally history-sheeters and such people should not be given bail. They should be treated as criminal molestors of women. Here, we have a clear case of the law not being applied to prevent crime as quoted by former top cop Kiran Bedi.
What is the state headquarters doing with such imbecile bullies? This is nothing but TALIBANISATION of India. As a woman, I feel it is a violation of our freedom. Nobody is given the right to assault any woman. Indian culture gives equal status to men and women. Who are these people to stop and dictate the women on the grounds of culture? Since when have these hoodlums become"Culture Police"? This is an obnoxious act that is definitely unpardonable. These perpetrators of violence on women are in no way custodians of either culture, religious or social mores. Ours is a diverse democracy and any indian citizen with a fair amount of intelligence and common sense will never tolerate such irrational behaviour.
And now the whole incident has come down to the level of threats and blackmail to the victims of the mentioned violence. The next program of the Sri Rama Sena is to target people on the upcoming Valentine's Day. The Proclamation of the chief of the Sri Rama Sena is that he has decided to arrange marriages between dating couples. For this, he has formed five teams who will roam around the city of Bangalore with a video camera and a turmeric stub in their hands. As and when he finds young couples dating, he will force them to wed on the spot. In that case, this man should be prosecuted for introducing "Polygamy" in our society. Going by the number of young people dating on theValentine's Day, we will have Mass marriages. This is one state in India that was once having a strong image of Peace and Tolerance and is NOW heading in a different direction leading to Hoodlums, molestors and perpetrators of violence on women in the lowest imaginable degree.
The day is not far when tourists will have an additional point in their itinerary, on their visit to India - " Incredible India" - India - "The Land of Senas": Rama Sena, Shiva Sena, Bhima Sena, Hanumantha Sena and last but not the least, "Goonda Sena".
"GOD BLESS DEAR INDIA"
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